Warning: Irrational Rant Below
Saw a woman the other day on the 159 bus breast-feeding her child.
I was initially aghast and thought angrily that if they can ban nearly every bloody little thing that people object to (it’s always some thing), why haven’t they banned breast-feeding in public venues? (especially restaurants) where unsuspecting, innocent customers are forced to to see some woman plopping her boob out on the table and attaching her pudgy child to it?
This woman was a little Filipino but even so her cleavage was somewhere near her navel. I was unfortunate enough to see a frighteningly large, over sized nipple being violent grabbed by this rubbery, rat like child as it hung off her.
It was truly hideous.
One must have a really brilliant, upstanding bosom to be so brazen against all the odds of gravity.
So, to recap my Objections:
1. Unattractive women
2. Unpleasant nipples
3. Flabby breasts
This must be banned I thought. Then I happened to recall Adam’s tale of wonder
He mentioned it some time at the pub a couple of weeks ago and I found it to be a highly amusing anecdote.
As he was leaving his pub in Soho after work one day, this drunk woman came walking along down the street. She was really nicely dressed, a nice skirt, attractive. Trendy.
She suddenly started lifting her skirt up to passers-by. Within minutes she had a little gaggle of people surrounding her, leering and cheering (as they do) making no attempt to stop her as she flashed everyone, touched herself, bent over and fondled her bits some more.
A man ran up out of the audience, knelt and stuck his head under her skirt while she wrapped one leg around his head. She must have been off hers I’m sure, but at this point the spoil sports that are the police came running, put an end to the show and carted her off in a van (probably in a straight jacket).
I’ve decided that this kind of public entertainment can’t be all bad. Besides I don’t approve of banning things.
There are certainly some pros with regards to women breast-feeding in public (and perhaps I need to be more tolerant):
1. Compulsive Viewing :
While I find this activity repulsive in every sense of the word, I still can’t help but gawp.
Those huge UFO saucer nipples, the slurping and sucking and squelching sounds. It’s like a car crash. There’s something so grotesque about it all, you can’t look away.
They’re big enough to tackle a steak. Sick.
2. Practicality: Your own personal comfort
At the very least if the kids mouth is firmly clamped around it’s parents nipple, it can’t make a massive racket while you’re trying to eat. Big pro.
3. A Cautionary Tale:
Protective and anxious mothers can clip their teenage daughters on the ear, and caution them against promiscuity.
It also destroys the illusion of having kids being this wonderful, glowing, beautiful thing and brings you right back down to the grim reality of all the sludge like things you’d have have oozing out of you and your child for a good long while.
4. Purely on Principle:
I’m against this infuriating banning of things the second someone voices a complaint.
It is now in fact illegal in Scotland to dare ask a woman to stop breast-feeding in public.
5. I can only then pose the Question:
If it’s acceptable for a woman to squirt juice out of her nipples, what’s stopping anyone else from squirting out other kinds of liquids?
A man might feel an urge swell suddenly in his pants, can he not have a good old go right there and then at the table?
Isn’t it unhealthy to hold it in, say doctors? Causes stress, high blood pressure, might damage sperm and thus damage the future children of the nation and all that.
Besides the argument for public breast-feeding is that it’s a natural and beautiful thing.
One could argue the same for masturbation. (thought I don’t think I could support that)
15% gratuity, thank you sir. No, no. Thank you.
Breastfeeding in public — experiences
“I went out because my baby was crying and so I started to feed to her. The attendant came up and asked me to leave. I didn’t feel I could argue with her then and there and I won’t be going back.” Sadly, there are places where breastfeeding is still considered unacceptable. [Oh dear]
We know that there are still far too many women who feel they either have to rush out between feeds, stay at home most of the time or stop breast-feeding. (It’s a call to arms NIP-ers!. I’ve discovered NIP is the term for B.F.in.P – breast-feeding in public. Not sure what it stands for though. Nipple Impromptu Preview? Nations Idlest Person? Natural In Public – that’s plausible)
Women in the UK have widely differing attitudes and feelings about breastfeeding outside the home. Some women have no concerns about feeding in public. (shameless) Others feel hesitant about the idea, (slightly less shameless) often because they are worried about being challenged about what they are doing.
Personal experiences (not me)
The legal position is unclear but it has been suggested that stopping a woman from breastfeeding could constitute discrimination under the Sex Discrimination Act. (My basis for also allowing men to emit fluids at will. For medical necessity obviously)
These women were upset and humiliated but sufficiently assertive to contact us and write letters of complaint. There will be many other women who do not feel confident enough to breastfeed outside their own home again. (what a sob story)
Consider these statistics from recent UK surveys:
- 50% of all women who had breastfed their baby had never tried to breastfeed in a public place. (thank god)
- When their babies were 4-5 months old, 40% of breastfeeding mothers said they.d had problems finding somewhere to feed their babies in public compared with 24% of bottle feeding mothers.
- 98% of mothers thought that shops/shopping centres should provide facilities for feeding babies and 78% also thought restaurants should.
If more women were supported to breast-feed when they were out and about with their baby, it would help to break the cycle that keeps breastfeeding hidden and perpetuates a bottle-feeding culture.
“I was just sitting in the corridor, no one was about, I was shocked to be shouted at for feeding my baby. I felt as if I had been assaulted.” ( I am actually sympathetic to this quote. See? I’m not a total horror of a human being)
P.S – What the hell is a ‘bottle-feeding culture’? And why is it so wrong? Have they now suddenly decided (i.e made up statistics) that bottle-fed kids grow up into crack addicts?
Anyway I’ve decided to be all gonzo for Public B.F now. NIP for everyone!