A friend’s friend, who I’m not allowed to name (this is contemporary gossip for a change) but we might as well just call ‘Kelsey Grammer’, calls up this guy called Scott and says
“Dude, listen I can’t come in to work today. I’m handling a ….situation”
Scott asks him at a more discreet time what the problem was and Kelsey Grammer explained that he was stuck in jail because his girlfriend (now ex) called the cops on him. She claimed he beat her up… but Kelsey said
“I swear I just shoved her man!”
Anyway a few days go by, Kelsey has perked up and is planning on moving out. He talks to Scott about mortgages and buying his own place, blah blah.
Scott is all supportive and shit.
A few days later Kelsey is sitting on his desk with his head in his hands,
“Dude, what’s wrong??”
“Fuck it’s so much worse Scott…”
“Yeah? What happened? Your girlfriend called the cops again?”
“No man. …I have syphilis”
True story folks, true love.