Lydia’s Birthday. We planned to spend the weekend in Brighton.
We managed to make it as far as the M23 before we crashed the car.
It was all Monty’s fault by proxy.
Here’s what happened.
We planned to meet at 4:00pm at Lydia’s old place in New Cross.
I didn’t know what the exact plan was so Monty said he’d call when we had to leave. Monty, the perpetual pot head, fell asleep and I assumed the plan must be cancelled.
Two hours later Monty calls frantically, and says we’re really late (no shit).
Lydia and gang have been waiting and fuming.
Everything was delayed. They were supposed to check Tracy’s car, fill it up etc.
I think she forgot to slam the bonnet shut in all the rush.
So were driving along, singing “Chain Reaction” when we hit the highway and suddenly the bonnet flips up and slams into the windshield.
Glass is flying, the entire windshield is covered by the flipped windscreen, Tracy doesn’t seem to be holding the steering wheel, people are screaming
“TRACY PULL OVER PULL OVER!! ..TO THE LEFT.. THE LEFT!! THE LEFT!! ,,NO!! NOT THAT LEFT THE OTHER LEFT!!!!”
Tracy has problems telling her left from the right hand. Anita had to tap her on the shoulder (she had the map) every-time we needed to turn.
We spent 5 hours on the side on the M23, freezing in the cold.
For the first 4 hours Tracy wouldn’t let us sit in the car because her mother warned her that it was really dangerous. By the last hour, when we realized the AA wasn’t in any rush to find us.
We got in the car.
Finally thank god the AA came.
Then they left. Without us.
We didn’t actually have insurance with the AA.
A couple of hours later the police sent someone over because they noticed us on CCTV. They said they’d send a tow truck. So eventually this huge blob of a man picked us up, hooked up the car, placed us in the back of his tow truck and took us to his cave where we spent the next 2-3 hours waiting and watching the blobs assistant get high and watch TV. By the time we left it was 2:00 am.
So technically, had Monty been on time we would never have rushed, Tracy would never have forgotten to check the bonnet, we’d never had had the crash on the M23, never needed the AA and Diana Ross wouldn’t permanently fill me with dread.
No, I lie, she always filled me with dread.
Basically… all Monty’s fault.
It was a chain reaction…you see?
It was a sign…the song was telling us who did it!
Don’t you see????