Girly Problems

Joy of Sex

The Joy of Sex

Someone, was telling me yesterday about the amazing sex that they had with a certain guy.

“…Oh my god he can keep going for hours and hours, he’s like a woman, once we kept doing it for like, 2 hours”


I say, with no sarcasm.

“Yeah and I had to ask him to stop, can you imagine? I was just tingling in my arms and couldn’t breathe.”


I ask slightly disbelievingly

“Yeah you know how that feels right? You’ve just had so much sex, you’re like, numb and your chest feels like…(makes hand gesture)”


I say uncertainly,

“Well why don’t you date this guy”

“Mmm no…no he’s not boyfriend material, he’s just …for sex. And we don’t even talk we just …fuck. I just call him and go to his house especially when I’m drunk…. but no, we don’t talk”

she explains

“But doesn’t that feel weird? I mean not talking?”

I ask

“Mmm no, sometimes… it’s just about sex”

she replies

“Yeah I guess so.”

That seems pretty reasonable to me.

“Yeah. Oh my god! cock is just so amazing! Pull a fit guy at this party.”

“Oh I don’t think so today.”

I’m not in a particular hurry to bring a random boy home.

“No really its amazing, but make sure you get a guy with a big one”

“I’ll try.”

But then, after this glowing recommendation she talked about another guy who ejaculates in 2 minutes flat but who happened to be a really lovely guy, one that you could talk to and listen to.

Then this is the problem, 2 minutes is not enough by a long shot. For anyone. And sometimes not even 30 mins gets me anywhere. (I’m cursed, fucking cursed!)

Secondly how do you audition for a guy who can talk and has a big penis?? Short of actually sleeping with them and then having to dump them while simultaneously resenting that they fucking wasted your time and got off without you.

(I have a firm policy with men, “If I don’t getoff, you don’t get off” you b*****d!”)

Besides that, a big penis just isn’t enough by itself. And thats another problem completely.

The naked guy at the squat party didn’t have great bits flying around, nor did the guy I had a very brief fling with in Bombay. In fact, it was sort-of……..thin. I might as well have done myself.

So the question is…

…Well I’m not sure what the question is.

But I think vibrators are really the only way to go.


20 thoughts on “Girly Problems

  1. Firstly, this is a whacked post.Funny convo you had with that girl though.The rest of it is … as you rightly stated —- girly stuff.

  2. 2 hours!!.. dude, even porn videos have cuts and angle changes and you can tell that this shot has been taken way after the previous one (well 20 minutes later atleast, if you know what im saying..)and those guys do it professionally!.. so 2 hours? well.. maybe the chick passed out in between and the guy told her it had been 2 hours cause it seemed that long(no pun) to him.. or maybe he thought she would tell other females and he would get more or maybe they were cousins and she was being nice to him… but any which way 2 hours?.. i think not..

  3. well, come on. why not? anyway when a guy says he goes for 2 hrs I never believe them but what reason had this girl to lie? if i girl says it in general I’ll take her word for it. there’s nothing more women like to do than slander a guys sexual stamina girth and general ability.and why is 2 hours impossible? foreplay and oral should take a good enough time if your really into it right?

  4. It’s definitely not about the nose: I dated an Israeli last year and he had one of those Jewish noses and the smallest penis you EVER DID SEE on a man. I used to text people when we were having sex. I tend to just mass-comment on your blog because I don’t read it everyday. But it’s funny. Very funny.

  5. but Mansha, what’s the point in doing a small penis? i don’t get it? wouldn’t a woman just be easier in that case? and how mean of you to txt your amusement in his size to your friends. [mean but very funny] Perhaps the only upside of doing a guy with an itsy bitsy teeny weeny would be to mock him.

  6. Of course it would be easier to do a woman. But Janine, WHERE ARE THE WOMEN?FUCKING insipid Sydney lesbians, vacuous fucking butch bois bulls with a pussy for FUCKING brains. And the femme ones are so obssessed with the fact that they’re not butch, all they think/talk about is lipstick and dresses.I have very high standards for women, not so much for men. I want the woman I have sex with to be funny and caustic and cynical and embittered and pseudo-intellectual and creative and ruthless and HOT.So, basically, I want me in someone else, and that is never going to happen now is it.As for MicroPenis boy, since he neglected to mention for the first two months I was fucking him that he had a girlfriend, I made sure I told anyone who’d care to listen (and those who didn’t) about his miniscule proportions. So vengeful. So angry. It’s terrible, na?

  7. terrible ?? hell no! i applaud you for mocking the lying cheating son of a bitch. heck i’d do that even if they haven’t even cheated on me. i’m such a meanie. but mocking penises is so much fun.yes good women are hard to find. perhaps not that hard but hard enough. still we can only hope…

  8. Okay here’s a question: What would seem more fuckworthy – A average looking guy with a average sized penis; An Adonis of a man but poorly endowed; and an ulgy OAF with the penis size you desire?I’m guessing you’re going to choose the average guy. And you know what? They’re all over the place. So be fruitful and go multiply.

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