Leo called drunk last night, he only ever calls when he’s drunk. Which is when he’s at his best really, and most willing to waste his money on a long distance phone call.
First I yelled at him for telling me half of a juicy tidbit of gossip and then fucking off to bed, thus leaving me hanging. To which he giggled like an idiot and adamantly refused to end my suffering, the annoying bum.
Then he told me to stop talking to his friends, it was freaking him out.
THEN he outright forbade me to ever sleep with any of them.
“J.” he said
“If you EVER sleep with any-of my friends..” a significant pause…
“I’ll get out a shotgun” he slurred…..
“and shoot you in the head.” more drunken slurring here.
I was surprised.
I thought he’d end the sentence with
“I’ll get out a shot-gun and shoot HIM in the head”
This was rather cruel I thought. Why couldn’t I do a mutual acquaintance? How would I ever get laid in that case and what are friends for anyway??
And I argued so accordingly.
“Fine, fine..” Leo relented.
“But can you at least do H. first man, I mean its H. maaan”
(Perhaps he said ‘dude’ somewhere along here but who can remember?)
I responded reasonably, by saying no way in f*****g hell would I sleep with H. EVER, followed by many appropriate ‘icks’ and ‘ewws’.
“Fine fine…”, Leo relents again.
We bargain for a bit and finally both reach a compromise. I get one of his friends if I can’t find anyone else.
….or if I’m bored.
bear in mind that this is a scenario that is highly unlikely ever to come up, but its fun to discuss anyway. No?