Long-Distance Wheeling and Dealing

Leo called drunk last night, he only ever calls when he’s drunk. Which is when he’s at his best really, and most willing to waste his money on a long distance phone call.

First I yelled at him for telling me half of a juicy tidbit of gossip and then fucking off to bed, thus leaving me hanging. To which he giggled like an idiot and adamantly refused to end my suffering, the annoying bum.

Then he told me to stop talking to his friends, it was freaking him out.
THEN he outright forbade me to ever sleep with any of them.

“J.” he said


“If you EVER sleep with any-of my friends..” a significant pause…

“I’ll get out a shotgun” he slurred…..

“and shoot you in the head.” more drunken slurring here.

I was surprised.

I thought he’d end the sentence with

“I’ll get out a shot-gun and shoot HIM in the head”

This was rather cruel I thought. Why couldn’t I do a mutual acquaintance? How would I ever get laid in that case and what are friends for anyway??

And I argued so accordingly.

“Fine, fine..” Leo relented.

“But can you at least do H. first man, I mean its H. maaan”

(Perhaps he said ‘dude’ somewhere along here but who can remember?)

I responded reasonably, by saying no way in f*****g hell would I sleep with H. EVER, followed by many appropriate ‘icks’ and ‘ewws’.

Fine fine…”, Leo relents again.

We bargain for a bit and finally both reach a compromise. I get one of his friends if I can’t find anyone else.

….or if I’m bored.

Dear reader,
bear in mind that this is a scenario that is highly unlikely ever to come up, but its fun to discuss anyway. No?


34 thoughts on “Long-Distance Wheeling and Dealing

  1. I feel terrible cant stand myslef, i hate everything im a moody bitch. How u doing pill head!? Funny party everyone was twated lol PIÑATA PIÑATA PIÑATA PIÑATA PIÑATA PIÑATA PIÑATA PIÑATA …………………

  2. i’m not doing too bad, a bit tired but might go out again later. dont beat yourself up too much. pinyata!! really funny party. fucking hell i have some good gossip ha ha!

  3. you cant deny any of it since you barely remember anything except calling me when you were not even remotely sober. But you did say you’d shoot me in the head and also that our friendship would be ruined, you’re such a drama queen man. But being forbidden makes it even more appealing now. so screw you

  4. i know about friends sleeping with each other.. not a great sight.. but makes the drinking game really interesting years later..

  5. Since when do friends decide who you can and cannot sleep with?And by the way, sorry for being so polite in my last comment, apparently politeness is not taken well here.. Which works well for me cause now i can be my true bitchy self thankings

  6. hah! exactly, when do they decide? But i always seem to have a bunch of friends advising me against this one or that one. [except the munt who tells me to do everyone, the whore] which is why i never tell them anything. But yes, we welcome insults and bitchiness on this blog. but leo screw you and especially screw your friend/s.

  7. oh yes that game. I’ve played it once. Sad to say i didn’t get to drink that much. one old dude got through two drinks and i hadn’t even got through half of mine

  8. Wait – so you’re going to sleep with Leo’s male friends – or female ones? Didn’t you admonish me not-so-long-ago on my blog for doing the same thing (sleeping with men, that is)? Are you defecting from The Isle of Lesbos, Janine? -ThisIsNotKosher

  9. Listen, if I’m not having sex, no one better be having sex. Specially not my friends. Specially not my friends with each other. that’s just wrong.

  10. listen man, I want custody of karan at least. I’m letting you know in advance so you can learn to deal with your fear of abandonment issues.well Mansha, sad to say I’m flirting with the idea of not completely switching sides but at least learning to sit on the fence. Picking a side has only given me a headache from ppl sitting comfortably on that fence, damn them all.

  11. who the hell are shweta and sherri? and nikki’s gay. and i was damn nice to ratna. fool. and if you want to sleep with my friends, you should tell ratna nice things about me. as opposed to constant slander.

  12. i don’t talk about you to ratna and she has a never ending supply of men anyway. your not her type. your not even a dean. Shwetha was the indian girl you met with nikki at vespa lounge, sherri was another girl you met at the friendly society. you were lousy to Shanaya, and thats not even all the girls i’ve introduced you too. and then you go and LIE about a fake girlfriend you fuck!!! and i’ve never even met Laila ever or for that matter anyof your friends except karan.so there.i’m kind-of pissed off now. man is it hot here.

  13. Leo – you’re so protective of Janine. Alright, I will leave her alone. (And I think it’s sooo sweet!!)Janine – now you see what I mean? Sitting on the fence isn’t that bad. I learnt to do it. Except now I’m sitting on the fence, but there isn’t really anything on offer from either camp.Kinda depressing.

  14. I’m sure she’s not, but that’s an idea! What do you reckon Janine, all the length and girth without actually having to interact romantically with a male.And you, Leo, you’re fucking nothing. Just. Like. Me (Mansha).

  15. women are simpler for women. if anyone should be able to relate to girls its, you know, other girls. but boys are too complicated, nice guys who are schmucks beautiful guys who are jerks and all the penis size problems in the middle….its too fucking complicated. and you have the added lovely option of getting knocked up.

Deranged comments preferred

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