NEWS OF THE WORLD!!

After 3 long, long years of Charris Jason Charrallambos Louca INSISTING that he is really Greek and NOT British, [even though he was born in Middle Sex hospital, brought up in London, has a British passport and is surrounded by British culture, he is in complete denial and likes to pretend he was born and raised in a little Cypriot village], he has FINALLY been forced to admit he is not, in fact, genuine Greek.

Here’s how it went.

“Habib and I saw Jordan and Peter Andre at Starbucks, Habib kept insulting her really loudly. It was very embarrassing. He kept saying ‘she’s quite ugly’ really loudly.” Charris [or John] remarks.

“Really? You know Peter Andre is Greek.”….I reply for no particular reason.

“Oh he’s not really Greek, he was born in Australia….” Before the words had even died on his lips he regretted this confession.

“Ooooooh so he’s not REALLY Greek….he’s Australian…….like you are ……British!…I gleefully shriek.
I swear on all the gods of the Anglo-Saxons I shall never let this die. [as you might have noticed, I swear on many gods, I like to hedge my bets.]

Charris will be now called John Humphrey.

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2 thoughts on “NEWS OF THE WORLD!!

  1. upon my reading of ‘news of the world!!’, and my digesting of its pure malevolence, my eyes swelled with tears and my heart skipped many a thunderous beat as its underlying significance struck to the very core of my once believed to be; ‘greek’ soul. I believed i had managed to attain some idea as to my true identity and my origins, but this has now left me in ‘total limbo’ as i try ascertain whether my allegiance now lies with ‘houmous’ or ‘cups of tea’. Having believed all this time that the ‘blood of a greek’ was flowing through my veins, this sinister indoctrinaton attempt has almost made me think that possibly, it is the blood of a ‘brit’, that surges through this body. And begrudgingly i would have accepted this tormenting notion had it not been for one thing; Given the fact that i resemble an overgrown ape with an overwhelming fondness for gallons of hair gel, and throw into the mix a penchant for bad jokes; i feel that my longing to be pigeon-holed as a ‘greek bastard ‘by british people (such as your want-away self)is a certainty, irrespect of my mothers descision on which island to birth her son. And my accidental ‘slip of the tongue’ in reffering to peter andres greek nationality is irrelevant because hes such a fucking asshole that he cant be a greek.(or conversely that could make him over-qualified to be one, i forget which) (by the way my ‘little greek village’ is called trigomo (pronounced drig-omo)and we were the first village to have an ‘english speaking skool’ and phrases such as ‘alwight mate’ and ‘good on ya guvnor’ are still prevalent there today. god bless the english for there influence over us all)

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