Shes Got The Devil In Her

Shopping alone, in the sweltering heat while listening to one song on repeat over and over and over again can be a zen like experience.

Especially when you start to discover, from the midst of your heat induced trance that most bras seem to be oddly over padded. Should you ever decided to wear any, your breasts look like they’ve been hoisted up on a shelf.

I have learnt the hard way, padding and I must go our separate ways.

I have also tragically discovered that I can never wear a bikini. I look like an ass.

And thats my shopping quota for the entire year. I prefer my zen like experiences with narcotics.



5 thoughts on “Shes Got The Devil In Her

  1. And as our lord descended from upon the mountain, he turned to those who had congragated around him and he spake. “It has been said that the meek shall inherit the earth; to my much maligned people of the this inconsequential island i say that you shall inherit something far greater. My children (for i love you all) great challenges await you. Your nation shall be sacked and pillaged by those around you. You shall be made to feel inferior by others (including by a certain girl from Mumbaii) who shall mock you for the simplicity in which you live your lives. But i say do not fear, do not forsake your lord in these troubled times, for i shall give to you the one that shall come to represent your people. My ‘children of the beach’ i will give to you the ‘pig’, and he shall be father of your nation!” And it was to this we gasped as our lord continued to speak.“For you my chosen ones, the pig shall come to embody you, as you have embodied him. For like the pig, you wallow in your own filth, you make no effort to better yourselves irrespect of others opinions of you, and most crucially of all; you lot look just like him!(especially you at the back, fuckin hell!)so do not fret my children of the beach. For even in the face of great adversity, even though you are considered the lowest of the low, you will uphold gods least favourite as one of your own. And this shall show to the world you see no divisions between each other(and pigs). And for this you shall sit on the right hand of god, for your hearts will be pure. While many will not socialise with the pigs bloated form or partake of his supple flesh; you will endear yourselves to him. And for this you will become pure in mind, body and soul. So i say to you love the pig, do not abandon the pig, uphold the pig as your brother, for the pig is you and you are him. My ‘children of the beach’, god blesses each and everyone of you. Now im off to convince the jews and the muslims, see ya later!”.And it was to this the lord left our island on my cousins fishing boat; he give him special price. Papadopouopoulous 3:10(this extraxt has been derived from the greek orthodox bible, but strangely ommited from other transcripts. But jesus did infact stay in cyprus as he had a holiday home in Nicosia. And we have the sandals to prove it.)

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