I Have Become a Groupie

I seem to attract only idiots.

Last night we were at the Blues Bar, desperately stalking willing victims for a seat and if we were lucky, a table, for about 2 hours.

Amalia, Fernanda and I were all wearing heels and while mine were fairly small (and being both cautious, paranoid and an ex-girl scout, I also had a pair of slippers in my bag just in case), F’s heels unfortunately were 6 inches at least and were killers in every sense.

So eventually, Fernanda in her sexy kitten black and white heels managed to coerce and cajole a couple of guys into sharing their seats by both batting her eyelashes and demanding firmly. Needless to say, they could not resist.

The guy sitting opposite to us first asked Fernanda where she was from and then seemed surprised that Mexicans spoke Spanish. Fernanda spent the next 5 minutes yelling at him. I was afraid at some point there would be a fist fight but luckily she calmed down.

Did I speak Spanish? he asked,

“No I’m not Spanish. I’m from India”




“Indian. I’m from India”

I was getting really tired of hearing myself repeat it in different ways. It sounded stupider each time.


he shook his head.


Finally something seemed to sink in his thick baseball cap wearing fat skull.

Fifteen minutes later he asked me if Spanish was my first language.

Jesus Christ.

He followed that with asking me to dance on the tables, then he asked if he could come home with me and smoke a joint, He’d help me draw he said.

Fucks sake.

For fucks sake.


12 thoughts on “I Have Become a Groupie

  1. Dude, man. At least he knew what he wanted. By the way, i went for some martini night thingie last night and they kept pouring champagne in the martinis. I dont think that’s on at all, but it just felt so fucking posh dude. now my head hurts and i can’t hear anything and i want to go back to bed.

  2. I’m glad I wasn’t there when he asked you that, i would banned from the bar.Someone in Norwich asked me once if Mexico was close to Spain? My face went bright red and my left eye start blinking. I guess distance depends on how each person see it.Idiots

  3. leo- champagne in a martini? i’m sure it was your fault. no barman would ever do that. my head hurts too by the way. fernanda – you seriously crack me up woman.egghead – perhaps, it was loud. but who thinks indians speak spanish? and who doesn’t know that mexicans speak spanish? he said he lived in the country before but still no excuse.

  4. posh smosh.. im tired of all this.. stop raping and sodomising you liver man !!! and the punishment for asking if mexico is close to spain is to have his face bright red not yours !! thats it..im pissed off.. im gonna go and pee on something…. or someone.

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