If anyone has ever bought a Rowntrees fruit-gum or fruit pastille, you must have noticed that the only decent flavors are the reds and blacks. Orange, greens and yellows are to be avoided until desperate.
The problem is that the devious devious money grubbing bastards who produce these heavenly red and black sweets, purposely [and with malicious intent] make SURE that each pack contains JUST A FEW reds/blacks and what seems like an endless amount of yellows greens and oranges. Since I only ever buy it for the red and black flavors I’m forced to chuck half the pack and buy another one.
Every time I buy a roll its like buying a lottery ticket. Will I get just 2 reds and 1 black? Will I get lucky with 6? Will my friend nick the red? The bastard.
So you open up a bit of your roll, you hope and pray as you tear the paper first gently, then more and more intently, searching desperately for that gleam of black and red.
Damn, its yellow. The next one will be black, I know it will! I can feel it in my bones. Fuck! yellow again, the next one, you’re sweating now, orange damn it! orange AGAIN!! Goddamn it!! fucking bastards-!! green fuck fuck FUCK!! yellow NO NO NO those piece of shit a******s w****s!!! yellow orange FINALLY THANK YOU GOD RED!! Yay! Joy joy joy aaaaaaaaaaaah…. and then goddamit all!! yellow again!!! f***k c***s a******s Insert more swearing here.
Proceed to chuck all the yellows.
or offer them to friends.
Thats pretty standard behavior with each purchase I’d say.
I am very glad to inform all of you,
that I have switched my sugar rush loyalties over to good ol’ Skittles.
And not just the regular Skittles [which have essentially the same issues as Rowntrees], but the new and modified ‘Tropical Skittles’. 80% are the colours are enjoyably edible.
I think there needs to be an objective sweet guide. Perhaps a tiny illustrated little booklet to be handed out at Halloween and Christmas. Perhaps in a dentists office.
This is the problem with blogging really. What a bunch of crap I have wasted 10 minutes typing eh?