Our Class

Our class must seem like the biggest bunch of perverts to ever run amok in CSM.

We had our 10 minute presentation to the first years yesterday and I can’t even imagine what they think. The last years batch seem like quite a tame bunch comparatively. They did birds on urban buildings, paper sculptures of deer heads, the landscape of Scotland, drawings of their mother, a large cardboard horse and little sewn books.

AND WE DO:

Amalia: Has drawings on semi nude blue women bleeding or with large scars, sitting in prams or near toilets. She says “Yooou knooooow, Ahm vaary eenterrested in saado-maaaschocism you know theese things, I dunno” [She has a pronounced Greek drawl]

Martin says “At the moment I find I’m really interested in fat arses” [He’s from Bedford]

Ed: Collects tart cards. Has a drawing of a goat going down on a woman in garters and Winnie the Pooh performing fellatio on a pot of honey. [fucking genius Ed, the Winnie the Pooh thing I love]

Fernanda: Is doing work about the rapes and murders of the women is Juarez, Mexico. Very serious. Very dark.

Alex: said he wanted to stencil graffiti of prostitutes in Soho [Shit. Personally, I think its a fucking rubbish idea and same for his photoshop work]

Chris: Drawings of women usually of the crappy things in relationships but getting progressively more graphic and pornographic.

Me: Have loads of naked people doing strange things to our tutors [Gary and Foz] and naked pregnant women smoking.

and fianlly our tutor

Foz: Says his work had become so obscene that his own wife remarked she was so completely offended she didn’t want to say anything anymore.

Some useful things to know about Foz:

He dislikes:
Graph Paper
Paint right out of the tube
HATES! When things are printed on cheap paper
Pet peeve: The printmaking department being unhelpful.
The CSM illustration budget
People not reading his emails.
People not reading his emails, not showing up to crits and then not apologizing.
BEING LATE!! HUGE HUGE ISSUE! Especially if you don’t let him know.

He has a earring in his right ear. It is not a regular earring. It is a thin wire, that hugs the lobe all the way round, without a single gap. It’s almost as if the earring itself somehow locks his earlobe to the rest of his ear. Without it, the earlobe would simply drop off. It is a very fascinating and odd item of jewelry.

Likes:
When 3 colours are laid over each other and happen to make another colour.
Amalia’s perversion [perhaps reflects his own current interest]
Big paint brushes
Illustration drawn in a way so that directs you to what’s important. A level of priority within the work
Wants everyone to have bits that are scribbly and bit that are anal and precise. I keep fighting him on this issue.
saying the word ‘naff’
Pointing at people with his new crutch [broke his toe falling off the bottom rung of a ladder onto a hoover nozzle]
saying the word “shite” [said shy-eet]
saying “this sort-of stuff really fucks me off”

Says:
“Its them things that are what M.A.ness is about.”


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23 thoughts on “Our Class

  1. the group i hung out with in grad school could be termed dysfunctional – specifically my ex and a very close female friend – our conversations could revolve around topics so vilely depraved (and in fact, most of our current email exchanges would have to be rated a few Rs and Xs). your art class comes VERY close to our state of depravity – and i dare say, portrays itself much more graphically. hats off!whats a CSM?

  2. the ‘head’ happens to be my tutor Foz. That should also explain the sign [i don’t know how to spell foz iin hindi any better]A ‘csm’ is a CENTRAL SAINT MARTINS COLLEGE OF ART & DESIGN

  3. Brilliant Foz drawing – your mind is dark and weird which makes for great illustration. Thanks for sharing! Re: spelling Foz in Hindi. Put a dot below the ‘j’ and you’ve got it!

  4. Janine, I hate you. You are so irrevocably talented and your artwork is just so intriguing, but without being so abstruse that it is unenjoyable. I still hate you though.Will you design my wedding card?

  5. YES YES. My wedding card. I don’t want Oms or Ganesh or anything like that. I want naked people with beaks.YOUGODDAPROBLEMWIDAT, TOOTS?And you better get used to it, because the way we’re going, it might even be OUR wedding card :).

  6. why are you people cribbing about talent? I can barely spell and surly girl wins awards for writing.I make a few doodles and I still can’t design web pages or use indesign/photoshop like a pro.Secondly the rest of the world is better and more successful. Pecking order and all.but I do enjoy all this cribbing it warms my heart.

  7. Perhaps it has, but then you could say other people [shit loads] have used animal headed people [Bosch, Paula Rego etc.] Originality is a debatable topic with all work. but I’m glad you like it. Now i must go colour in some pregnant women.

  8. Yes, you can put pregnant women on my card. And I’m serious about the whole designing card thing. I’m going to hold you to that. And when my parents find me a suitable boy in approximately 1.5 years, I will come back to haunt you with my request.As for writing awards…pffft. They had to give it to me because I’m brown. And being brown is all the rage in the literati world. I blame Arundhati Roy.Blogspot is so sexist. They should have a beti blogger also na?[Just pretend I didn’t say that. My exam is tomorrow and clearly, I’m delirious.]

  9. I personally blame Meera Sayaalandfirst of all:if your parents find you this ‘suitable boy’ [retch]I would design a card who’s only purpose would be to intentionally to mock your phony marriage.secondly your parents having found this boy will pretty much run/organize and control the rest of this staged performance including the wedding, the wedding cards and possibly the wedding night.yeesh.they will probably want embossed cream paper with red and gold decorations. all so tasteful darling just like the rest of your marriage-life.I have never met you but if you have an arranged marriage I swear I will never comment on your blog unless it’s to insult you. and your children in all likelihood.

  10. My parents aren’t overbearing like that. They don’t care who I bring home and marry [as long as it isn’t someone black, Bengali, or a woman, of course]. The blame lies with me, not them. I WANT an arranged marriage. The catalyst being this: everytime I have gone against my parents advice I have run headlong into ABSOLUTE DISASTER. I refuse to be left out in the cold at 33 sucking on a dying fag [I mean cigarette butt, not a HIV positive gay man]. And it’s not like they’re that ARRANGED anyway; I mean, don’t you go out on dates and drink and pash and stuff, and then decide? If not then I am seriously deluded. Please talk to me. It wouldn’t be nice if you start hating me! How will our blog-fraandship blossom?Oh and I don’t think I’m coming to Bombay anymore for Christmas: my friend wants to go to Goa.

  11. I think there are technically minor differences but the agenda on the whole is completely different. A regular date the agenda is : possibly if it all goes well we’ll have a few more dates and see where it can go.An ‘arranged’ date is like a job interview. The agenda being: in few more dates we should probably sleep together, if that is mutually acceptable, in 12 months we should start making arrangements for the wedding party.It’s the overall agenda that bothers me.Secondly you say your parents aren’t overbearing and in the same sentence make them out to be racists.Which also offends me. Not so much because THEY object to blacks and bengalis [lets just forget the whole lesbian issue for a moment] but because you so casually seem to accept that.Thirdly, your parents might have made very, very sensible suggestions in the past that you ignored like “Darling if you drink to much you will be sick” and so on. But were you perfectly happy with a black/bengali guy and dumped him based on the logic that so far all their suggestions were spot on, you would be an idiot.Obviously my attacking you on this subject is because its a fairly personal issue for me as well. I have no real objections to arranged set-ups, I just can’t sympathize with your reasons or logic regarding it. But I shall still comment prolifically as possible on your blog.Why aren’t you coming for christmas? Did your friend see those pics of Leo and change her mind? See I shouldn’t have put those pics up. They must have scared her off. But goa will be fun aside from all the tourists.

  12. You speak the truth. Prejudice is prejudice. Having said that, my parents wouldn’t disown me if I fell in love with a black/Bengali guy. I was being slightly tongue in cheek, I make my parents out to be worse than they are, really. They were (and still are) great about the lesbian thing. I shall explain to you one of these days in detail over what the kids call a ‘personal email’.Goa is looking indefinite as of now. Too expensive, too bougie, too fucked. I will probably hang around in Bombay like a bad smell.Goa is looking

  13. excellent. excellent. you will fit right in. I have missed the smell of urine in bombay [among others]. It hits you nearly as soon as you step off the plane.leo and I shall take you to sea view and janta. the best watering holes in bombay

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