General Dubiousness.

I have this vague feeling of dread lately.

Maybe its the MACD mid-year show. So far Paolo has had the simplest and nicest suggestions [good food, good work, lots of booze] amongst all the insane ones of “Lets set up a huge tent in Hyde Park!! So what if we have no money or sponsors?”

Fernanda was coerced into canceling the space she had previously booked and now we don’t seem to have a confirmation on this new fabulous [it really is] space. So I feel somewhat anxious coupled with this constant and never ending guilt that I’m not working hard enough, not working fast enough, not being ambitious enough, not challenging myself enough, not producing a volume of work that competes with Anna who seems to have MOUNTAINS of work [I HATE her], not producing ideas that compete with..well whoever has a good idea [I HATE them]

There also the distant but persistent anxiety that the days are going too fast and this is my last year of student freedom and I love our class and I’ll probably be deported in September and thats fucking scaring me and can I ever find a job??? Who will ever hire me?? I cant use Indesign and Photoshop like an expert yet. I cant retouch as well as Kurt!!

Not to mention freelance income is so fickle, and the Belle Gray Boutique still hasn’t paid me

And theres this strange nagging doubt about my return home next Friday. I feel that New Years is going to be horrible, miserable and stressful and Xmas is in Hyderabad the home of the elderly. I just feel in my gut that it will all suck [I’m such an optimist].

What if I don’t do enough college work over the holidays and I come back and everyone has done loads? I should have taken design, I’d be able to get jobs easier.

Sigh.

sigh
sigh
sigh
sigh

There’d better be a fucking Welcome Wagon when I get off the plane [Leo and Riddhi pay attention, or you won’t be getting any fucking presents. I’m serious you bastards]

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23 thoughts on “General Dubiousness.

  1. keep the faith scritchif youve survived till now, the rest of your life should be a breezethats what i keep telling myself.yea i should just bugger off hahawell hey it could be worse..u could be stuck at home memorising crap that you know has a good chance of never reappearing once you graduate.what a bloody waste of timenow im depressedTHANKS.

  2. devillied, I suppose. She mentioned something to that effect on her blog, I dont know about you. You never discuss anything personal on yours.too bad about karjat xmas, will have to miss it. The grandparents have a birthday

  3. You should come to Goa before going to Hyderabad, because that’s where I will be. My friends have booked me on a Chennai-Hyderabad-Goa train and insist that I simply cannot go to Bombay. I am easily bossed over. But it would be a pity if I didn’t meet you! I could abuse you for your popular blog in person!

  4. Oh, and I do know a lawyer in London. Her name is Aditi Misra and she went to school with me and she comes from an entire family of lawyers. She lives in Charlton with her husband Daniel and his parents, and I think she’s starting as an intern at some place called Linklater’s.

  5. no no no goa during winter. I hate the tourists besides I dont want to leave my house for a month really. I quite miss my tin shack. Goa cant even compare. You MUST NOT listen to this evil evil vicious blood sucking friend who diverted you away from bombay. she will ruin your life mark my words.

  6. Too late. Sitting in Jakarta/Australia, I can’t really do anything; the trip planning is in the hands of this evil blood sucking friend. I’ll come visit you in London next year :). I’ll find out from Aditi whether she is able to help you in any way.

  7. pateti? bavi? kajrat? um whaaa??@surly – yes, she IS evil bloodsucking, control-freaky, and tiresome isn’t she? i refer to your trip-planning friend who was shocked when i asked her to enjoy the goa trip.. a few minutes after it was planned i think :))

  8. I am NOT easily controlled. I AM the controller, you fools. They eat out of the palm of my hand. I wrap them around my little finger. Etcetera.

  9. …I can’t. She’s, like, my, like, best friend. My initial plan was to come to Bombay and I had nearly booked my tickets, but then I was convinced that getting trashed in Goa with Google employees [computery boys like That Armchair Philosopher that we knew in high school] would be the superior choice. Sigh.

  10. well fine but can you inform them what a rats ass beta blogger is? and tell them to stop ‘improving’ stuff when its does nothing but set everything back 3 steps.

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