Shoes Shoes Shoes I Am Such A Whore For Shoes

Red Shoes Collage

I clearly have a problem with delayed gratification.

And picking the wrong, very wrong, shopping buddies.

Last Saturday Kardo came with me to ‘Office’ and his response to a beautiful pair of red heels was: “They are nice” and “sure” in a charming monosyllabic way. Only when I got home I realised they were too big on one foot while any size below would be too small on the other. Since my feet seem to be chronically unfitable, I am, as Mansha would say, hazaar fucked.

I need a shopping buddy who has some judgment.

However on the positive side having difficult feet helps limit what I can and can’t buy and generally reins me in from listening to complete idiots. (Charis Charralambos Jason Louca the two)

For example:

We had been wandering around the ‘Urban Outfitters’ sale room which looked as if a tornado of hormonal, crazed women had just raped it and then ran off. Debris was everywhere clothes piled on the floor, shoes with sizes missing, everything on top of each other, underwear scattered on the jewellery rack, fighting grandpa toys, eight ball Jesus fucking mental as Fernanda might say.

I found a pair of red shoes for a fiver (I seem to have developed an obsession with bright colours, possibly because for years my work was all B/W).

To my utter elation they told me all women’s wear was buy one get one free. So now I have TWO pairs for a fiver (oh dear I just thought I’d brag.)

Charis and I then meandered into Topshop spending ages trawling up and down escalators hunting for a pair of bright blue keds I saw that were similar to pair I recently bought.

Charis INSISTED I buy them. He INSISTED I buy a very pretty 1920 felt hat (30 quid! what a nutter) but he seriously INSISTED that I shouldn’t think about it and just BUY the damn shoes.

The size 5 was a tab tight, the size 6 too big but he INSISTED it was all psychological and I just doing that to convince myself not to get them. Then he INSISTED on saying the way to the tube

“I can’t believe you think about it so much! I’ve lost all respect for you!”

(he never had any, but he just likes to say that as a part of his armoury of emotional blackmail)

“How can you think about stuff like that? How can you be so cautious? Its disgusting! It’s like my grandmother!”

What an ass.

I need a shopping buddy without the judgment.

The ex was damn upset when I bought the bright blue shoes. I had been given as a gift a very classy pair of dark blue heels. My feet being freakish abnormal, they didn’t fit so I swapped them for blue keds.

The ex really really wants to encourage me NOT to buy bright colours and would prefer it if I stuck to more conventional tones of black, grey and navy maybe milder colours instead of dressing like a clown (the ex says).

I need a shopping buddy with some judgment but not too much judgment who likes colour and is also a pauper. Any takers?

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20 thoughts on “Shoes Shoes Shoes I Am Such A Whore For Shoes

  1. That description fits me nice and smug.And, um, WHO THE FUCK WEARS NAVY SHOES????????? Navy shoes are the worst fashion nightmare. Except on supermodels, because they can make anything look good.As for your shoe size being 5, I’m disgusted and jealous. I wear anything from a 9 to an 11 – 40 to 42. Fat feet they call me.Oh and I stole hazaar fucked from Agastya Senthe [which, incidentally, will be the name of my son; just the Agastya part.

  2. actually the dark blue-grey heels the ex got me were very nice. and Navy keds look great and those navy school shoe things are in fashion again. It depends really.egghead: the writing is mostly for my benefit and isnt a lot actually but I just space out every 2 sentences or so.

  3. i deeply regret having once described you as being ‘overly cautious’, this as i can clearly see now was a complete misinterpretation of your attempt at shopping. And i hope you take solace in the fact that i instead have adopted a more ‘cautious approach’ with my life. The other day when leaving the station after the ‘supposed shopping’ in which you bought nothing, i had intially decided to cross the road to get to my home, but instead i just stood there on the pavement and ‘cautiously’ thought about ‘whether i really should cross the road’ for three and a half hours, weighing up all the ‘pros and cons’ of such a unorthodox manoeuvre. pretty much in the same way as you do for such complicated descisions as ‘should i buy these shoes?’. I now have found this to be of great benfit to my life. Which has now (thanks to my being ‘so fucking cautious with everything i do’) been made staid, boring and bereft of any spontaneity. Just the way a my life should be lived, and for that i thank you.

  4. Was at JD today… they had a flat heeled sneaker in bright red with shiny black strips. I was thinking that they are too gaudy to be bought at 19.99!

  5. ooh! another shoe-freak! one more right here! (raises hand)In fact, I recently listed exactly why women prefer shoes to men. And the truth in my theory got a shitload of men mad at me. Like they had a bloody chance in hell anyway. ;0)

  6. what was this theory? I’m intrigued….did it have something to do with orgasms or the lack of it or… what? I can’t think of anything else that would rile men up besides any derogatory references to penish, size, girth and/or stamina. Shoes I’d never imagine would get their knickers in a twist.

  7. i’d like a good shopping buddy too, but for clothes and not shoes, i have the opposite problem, i never buy ANYTHING because i figure i can find something better somewhere else (and cheaper) so i waste an entire day just buy going from store to store and come otu with no satisfying pile of bags. it’s shameful–i am a disgrace to my sex.

  8. yes I do that too, but sometimes that just means you clearly don’t really want it. If you did you would buy it. SO I never regret not getting whatever it is. window shopping is fun

  9. hehehehehe. Surly’s at her bitchin best I see. Gosh, I’m missing something here. But gosh – have you read the blog which has a tagline “My other shoes are manolos?” 🙂oh god. window shopping. for every time I’ve been dragged into one of those – *shudder*

  10. wow!…red shoes!…I like this color…I too have a pair of red < HREF="http://www.shoedeals4u.com/project/1-josefseibel.htm" REL="nofollow">josef seibel shoes<>….I wear them specially for parties

  11. EXCUSE ME! Have I ever steered you wrong in my shopping advice, hmmm? Why was I not called upon?? Oh I know, because we used to routinely walk past the Carnaby Office, you’d point at some monstrous kaleidoscopic pair of trainer-type items with a ridiculously thick rubber runner lining the sole, and I’d go ‘Oh Jesus’. What were you doing trying on red heels?? Do you wear heels now?? I feel like I’ve missed out on this progression in your character…

    • this was back in the days when i was young and foolish. i bought heels and never wore them. I had great heel ambitions. I’ve boycotted them all now.
      except a very flash gold pair – imagine dorothy’s shoes but in gold sequins. very broadway.

  12. it sits on my shoe ledge of shame. now i just wear the same 3 shoes (keds) over and over. One of them is read though. and I still have the blue pair mentioned in the post. good buy!

  13. well you did talk me into buying a bikini i’m too embarrassed to wear in public. (i did once, in a forign country where no one knew me and I had to photoshop my fat out of a bunch of holiday pictures – or crop them)

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