Wednesday Crit no. 2

An very long-winded post about crits and the class. Very very very long.
Unnecessarily long even, just like most crits

The countdown now begins and panic is evident.

Georgina and Foz are both wearing matching black ‘CRIT’ t-shirts Georgina screen printed. (humph! apple polisher.)

Crisis, everyone in crisis!

Amaila says

“You knooooow I rrrrreally hate everything I’ve done lately I meeeean it’s a bit sheeet I rrrreally don like it rrrright now I think its, you knoooow, a bit medioooocre…”

Foz says

“Yes I agree.”

Rather heartlessly.

A power cut interrupts Martyn’s crit. It seems only have affected the illustration studio. How lovely.

Chris then says he hates everything he’s done. Had printed 3 sheets of paper and says he’s suffering illustrators block.

Foz looked like he was going to strangle Chris.

(Side Note: I’m sorry but I don’t believe in or sympathise with a creative block of any kind. It’s such a cop-out of actually doing anything, either about this so-called ‘block’ or with regards to your work.)

Lisa and Chris get very cross with me when I say I don’t believe in a creative block and I sense that Foz agrees with them….

…but they are all wrong!

Athier puts his work up on the wall and says

“Well blah blah blah I did this did that yeah like oh mah gawd etc..”.


“Well what did everyone say during last weeks crit?”

“Well like, they just said they didn’t understand my work and like, the same thing as always really…”

he trails off, vaguely making out as though he’s a victim here.

I hate it when people say ‘Oh nobody understands my work sniff sniff sob sob’. The misunderstood artist syndrome, it’s so cliché. We told him a whole bunch of very specific things to work on.

So I correct him, naturally. (I’m such an obnoxious asshole, I really am, it must be a birth defect)

“Fucking Athier, he’s left early again.”

Fernanda whispers to me later on.

A lot of people leave early, Paolo usually does but he commutes from Lucerne, some people have evening jobs (if I was being objective Athier might have shit to do as well), but Athier has been doing this since the first year and it just bugs me. Damn him. I’m just not going to speak in his crits. He always fucking leaves. (and I always say that)

I drag in my frames all the way from Kensal Green, Foz has some weird thing against beveled mounting. I’m not sure why really.

Where does one develop this dislike for a mount (and a beveled mount at that)? There seems to be no clear logic behind it. It serves a function; covers up the ratty edges of your drawing, blocks up the space between the frame and the edge of the paper if it’s smaller. I mean, I have no real feelings about it either way.

So first he says it looks great, then I point out the beveling and question what exactly is so offensive about it? Then he says yes actually now that you pointed it out I don’t like it. Onnalin says yes yes now that Foz said so I think so as well. (At the Mercury show she didn’t notice a damn thing)

Brainwashing, ah brainwashing. And now even my faith in beveled mounting has been shaken. It’s damn irritating to be so easily manipulated.

By 7-8 o clock we were still in the crit. Fernanda was getting a bit antsy and whispering

“Jaaaneen tell him! I’m going to tell him to stop when its 10 mins.”

Even though I had a phone timer on, it usually went off right in the middle of anything Foz was saying so it would have been rude to interrupt. Besides its hard, if not impossible, to stop him once he’s got going.

However if you actually timed the talking, there are some people, who spent 8 minutes out of 10 talking and talking and talking and just fucking talking so Foz and the class have about 2 minutes left to respond which is fairly useless so of course we spend 8 more minutes responding to all the talking and these people still want to talk some more.

Bruna is commanded by the General to cut up her sketch books and frame some pages. The whole class lets out a collective wail of

“Nooooooooooooooo!! No cutting sketch books!!!!”

Foz imperiously ignores and silences us all. Bruna will do as he commands.

Following this tiresome very tedious crit of unending moaning and whining, Foz sent us this highly amusing email.

“Hi everyone,
Hope all is happy! (SARCASM CLEARLY)

I’ve decided under no circumstances can the following or similar words
be uttered in crits before the final show. (otherwise I’ll stop the crit-hurrah I hear you cry) (HAHAHA)

*I’m no good
*my work is boring.
*I don’t know what I’m doing.
*I hate my entire life’s work.
*my work is rubbish so therefore I’m rubbish.
*I don’t know what to do (even though you have had lots of verbal & written suggestions)
*I can’t move,speak or think because I’m really stressed.
*I can’t smile because of the show.
*I haven’t any images,even though I haven’t looked at my last 12 months work.
*I must produce more, even though I haven’t finished any yet.
*I don’t know what my project is about.
*I’ll produce kak images so I can get freelance work.
*I’m so tired I’ll have to stay up and produce non stop images for the next 6 weeks.
*my life will stop after the show
*Im crap,my works crap and its all
dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom. (HA HA THIS IS SO TRUE)
etc etc

PEOPLE-JUST LISTEN to whats said AND FOCUS .remember its your  MA/work………………….AND TRY TO ENJOY

Love & Kisses
General F”

(I bet Fernanda got all mushy about the “love & kisses bit”)

Martyn remarks to Foz about his lunch:

“You’re eating a Pannini? You don’t seem to be the kind of man who eats a Pannini.”

“I’ll have you know that under this crude exterior lies a man of great sophistication and taste”

(I can’t believe I remember all this crap)


9 thoughts on “Wednesday Crit no. 2

  1. I’m living vicariously through your crit posts. Nice to know someone else is blunt and to the point in these things!and they make me laugh and I’m not in any crits now, in fact it’s all a very hahaha memory, so your posts are great!

  2. my dear Janine, my dearest flatmate leaves the crit every wed. coz she has a very immportant thing to do Foz is aware of that too. So I will apreciate if u dont put her in the same level as Athea.Kind regardsF

  3. why do you write so much about your crits again? You sure take tedious-blogging rather seriously.Come on girl, write about something exciting!

  4. crit rule my life now and for the next month. your in for an unpleasant surpise for the next few postsalso when has my blog ever been exciting???

Deranged comments preferred

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