Second Last Crit Of My Entire Life. Ever! (Melodrama? Me? Never)

Foz is clearly an optimist when it comes to time. We were split into groups of 4-5 and spread out over the day.

My group was supposed to start at 3:15 pm. I was worried that my long, hot and sweaty walk down chancery lane, to search for an elusive Ryman’s that stocked an even more elusive out of date printer cartridge, would make me late.

I wasn’t (phew) but our crit was by about 2 hours.

By 9 pm we still hadn’t finished doing Lisa and the security guard threw us out after a grumbling scolding. (‘Finished doing Lisa’ sounds a bit wrong’)

Perhaps the beer I trotted out to buy mid-crit helped the time fly.

I had a dreadful feeling as I stood at the checkout that I would be ID-ed. Beer usually gets you ID-ed. I imagine it must seem like a juvenile, chugging sort-of drink or perhaps it was because a scruffy looking girl was buying 8 cans of Stella.

On cue she asked me for ID. In my mind horrible visions of not being able to buy the beer floated up in front of me and even more hideous visions of having to call Anna or worse Foz!! And be humiliated by having ask them to come to Sainsbury’s and pick me up from the checkout with their beer.

Luckily she let it go. Fuck me.

During the crit, again right on cue, Athier left early.

As he shut the door behind him Foz said to everyone (but aimed at me in particular)

“Just so you all know Athier told me he had a really bad bike accident earlier this day so he had to leave early…

…I thought I’d just tell you before it’s all over your blog tomorrow.”

(That was quite funny.)

Unfortunately I wasn’t sympathetic yesterday, and I’m still not sympathetic today.

What a fucking bitch you might say (Yes it is true. I am a horrible bitch.)

But firstly: Adam got hit by a car and he wasn’t fucking slacking off.

Secondly and much more importantly: This fucking-off early isn’t anything novel, in fact my griping about it is a constant feature on this stupid blog.

Thirdly and lastly: It’s too fucking convenient just as he comes back from holiday. (Yes that’s right, holiday)

During my crit (I got more than 10 mins for a change, unnecessary but quite nice I must say) I was discussing my blog and the book I’m making on it as part of my assessment.

Athier suddenly decided he wanted the details. This worried me for a minute, considering all the bitching about him I’ve done on here, and I was rather hesitant about giving him the URL.

But then I realized I was being a twit for the following reasons:

  1. This blog is hardly a secret
  2. My opinions (if you were to ask me for them, god help you) are hardly a secret
  3. I think he should read it and quit fucking off early (although it’s a bit late now)
  4. An irate comment from Athier would be quite amusing (if he bothered to leave one)
  5. But lastly I’m certain he’s far too self-absorbed to even bother to read any of this. If he can’t be arsed to stay through a crit he certainly isn’t going to bother wading through half the tripe on this blog.

During my small crit presentation I realized that all the measurements I’d previously made of my work, where I assumed I could only fit in 4 landscapes in a grid, were entirely bogus. Apparently I can now fit in 6 comfortably.

I knew I failed maths so many times in school for good reason.

What was remarkable about the crit was that although we only had 4 hours of it to sit through, Foz sat through nearly 12 hours of it!!! 12 hours of talking and talking!!

What was funny was that we went off to the pub to finish Lisa’s crit and then sat there for another 2 hours drinking and he was still really chatty. Amazing.

We chose the darkest, dingiest, most cramped corner and passed around her A3 frames over our drinks. Then Foz’s laptop wouldn’t turn on.

I got the feeling that he was mildly relieved about that but you know, that’s probably just me projecting.

Update: I had a horrible recurring nightmare about Foz and Georgina all night after the little pub crit. They were doing or saying something really unpleasant to me and I woke up feeling tired and miserable.

Deranged comments preferred

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