Handyman Nick


The handyman I hired finally came to fix the cooker hood.

He turned off the electricity before I could even announce it to Monty and Anders. 5 minutes later Monty wandered out whining and bitching.

“Dude your like, so like, inconsiderate, like oh mah gawd I like totally have to go for a shower and like you can tell us before you turn off the electricity…” nag nag nag

The Handy man tells him “Sorry mate it’s too dangerous, can you see the wires there? It wont be long OK? Won’t be too long. Sorry mate.”

But Monty refuses to stop fucking nagging as if that helps things go faster. The Handy man gives me a look and shakes his head in disbelief. We both roll our eyes at this real fucking drama queen.

I finally snap after his nagging doesn’t stop and the handy man has repeated himself about 5 times already.

“Monty I told you ages ago a guy would be here today at 9 to fix the thingie. Your bath issues are not my problem. You should have gone in earlier or gone last night. Kurt has been out of the shower for nearly 45 minutes…” etc etc [it was actually only 30 mins but whatever]

“Yeah but like what if I did this to you like, you wouldn’t like it…and like….”

“Monty, I would brush my teeth in the sink, wash my face and leave.”

“But like, I cant do that! I need to….”

“You can do that, you just won’t do that. Thats not my problem.”

“Like, OK! Right, like fine! Its not your problem! Your burning the kitchen is also like, not my problem and like you were like totally running around like a chicken like fine, not my problem and like I don’t have to help you. blah blah blah”

“Monty I don’t expect you to help me thats why I called a handyman”

“Yeah but you like, asked me 3 times….”

“Yeah and you said no, and you shouldn’t have to help me. So I’ll just deal with my problems and you deal with yours OK?”

L. and Kurt made a hasty retreat out the front door [those cowards]

I apologized to the handy man for witnessing this idiotic domestic squabble.

He asks me if Monty is my brother. [everybody does]

5 minutes later we both stop sulking and M., the Handy man and I discuss the varying quality of charcoal filters in a scintillating debate. He then gives us a lecture on how ineffective the cooker hood actually was as a vent since it just vents it back into the kitchen.


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