Yesterday was an intensely depressing day, I’m not sure why.
The whole day seemed like a total write off. Completely useless.
I slept at 4 and got up at 8 to let the handyman in. I made a very strong cup of coffee and the caffeine high kept me buzzing until about mid afternoon when it wore off and I came down crashing.
Caffeine doesn’t agree with me at all.
But perhaps thats because of all the unpleasant associations.
I took my book to the printer. The bill was hideously high. I got to college and realized that even though I proof read it a hundred times, due to a hasty decision to crop the right margin, all my page numbers were 1 cm off center.
Simeon’s work is still fucked and lying all over the studio and that depresses me even more than ‘Black Hole’ did. I feel as if I’m in a Poe story and all his work is looking at me accusingly “You ruined me Janine, you ruined me”
Although ‘Black Hole’ had been lying in my bedroom for over a month untouched, I decided I should now finish reading it since yesterday was the last day to return all our library books or we wouldn’t get our marks. I sat outside the studio with my lunch [just to be on the safe side] and read it cover to cover.
I thought it might give me a sense of satisfaction in reading at least one of the many books I took out and then just left to rot in my locker. The story line was so melancholic I felt like crying half way through.
I returned it eventually and then felt guilty I had wasted 2 hours reading a book instead of slogging like a bitch, or doing my frames or whatever. What a waste of a day.