‘D’ is for disaster

Typhoon PatD day arrives in a little over 24 hours.

I slept at 3 got up at 8, just got back from the pub and am still fairly pumped.

A day of disaster after disaster.

Georgina discovers the laser cutter guy made a mistake on her badge calendar. She’s obviously very upset. Foz and I and everyone else tells her no one will ever notice but this doesn’t console her in the slightest.

Bruna presses her knee against her biggest frame and smashes it completely.

Tiphane leaves her frames over the Mexican’s prints which makes a scratch on the vinyl or acrylic. The Mexican is breathing fire (a tiny, very scary woman)

Athier spills white paint all over Alex’s work which is carelessly left under the table after last weeks crit.

Martyn is called over for an impromptu crit of Lisa’s work and accidentally spits on one of her prints. He runs away before Lisa starts crying. Luckily for Lisa, Martyn has very fast drying saliva.

Onnalin’s professional photo mounters screw up one of her photographs that K. had retouched and printed frantically.

Simeon’s girlfriend comes over threatening to chuck her juice all over my work. I stay well out-of-the-way, just in case.

I misaligned 2 pictures 5 times before I finally can get them centered.

I find that the ex’s drill set I borrowed drill holes too large for my screws.

I use a compass to make holes. The holes are too small and too tight. All my mirror frames are thus too loose.

I borrow someones small drill bit and while drilling the third frame it snapped suddenly. Panicked, I run to the shop and buy a replacement.

5 minutes later, just as I begin to drill it also snaps leaving 2 lovely shards of drills bits embedded in my frame.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck. The tool shop is now closed.

I had no confidence in my incompetence to think of buying a replacement for the replacement.

I fart around doing nothing for an hour before going for a drink.

I shall have to go to the tool shop early tomorrow and buy 3 drill bits. 1 for the class, 2 just for me to fuck it up.

Foz assesses my portfolio and among various tips, compliments and constructive criticism also calls me a knob.

Martyn confesses that he too snapped his drill bit. We both agree that there must be something wrong with the frames. Or the drill. Or the drill bits. Not us. No, never us.

I wish there was a pill I could swallow that would make me less of a complete fuck up.

Advertisements

16 thoughts on “‘D’ is for disaster

  1. i deeply sympathise with your plight over this “d’ for disaster day”. And i too wish there was a pill available that would stop you ‘fuckin up’. My mother often refers to a ‘magical’ pill like that, and recalls how she’d wish taken one before my conception. Though i have no idea what she means by that.

  2. I decided that my previous comment was not that funny, so….“Seven dwarfs sitting in a bath all feeling happy, so he got out.”HaHa, i feel i have redeemed myself.

  3. is charis long lost? did stella really lose her groove? did jesus lose his sandals prior to the crucifixtion?lost or not though, i am disapointed that my hiding behind a veil of annonimity (a word i cannot spell) was about as fruitful as an iraqi dictator hiding in a hole.and i shall not bother in future.

  4. In a tube station of which i can not remember. There is a great big poster advertising “Return flights to new york from £375″(a very good deal indeed)but unfortunately someone (a protester most likely) had decided to stick an equally noticeable poster to the left of it with the headline “You Fly,They Die” with a picture of polar bears on the cover. Obviously with idea being that the more cheaper flights that we venture upon, the worse it does it for the enviroment, and the worse it does for polar bears who will eventually be wiped out by planes. I initially agreed with this reasoning and decided i would boycott all forms of aero-travel to save polar bears who list ‘british airways’ as their arch-nemesis out in the wild. But then i started thinking. Would the polar bear do that for us? would he give up his holidays visiting family members? after a hard years toil on the ice hunting for fish, would he not think to fly to sunnier climbs. And the truth is of course he would, that great big hairy white bastard would jump on that deal, and have his bloody great ass reclining in a first class seat of virgin atlantic before you could say “i’m an enviromentalist!” (one of the worse things someone could say)so i think that this poster should change its message from “you fly they die” to “with flights that cheap, fuck polar bears”

  5. Pingback: Pearl Of Wisdom Day | Tin Roof Press

Deranged comments preferred

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s