Frames And Birthing

We have all been told to drill mirror plates and wrap our frames in bubble wrap and blankets so that when the van transports them they don’t smash. I don’t know where they hell they think we have so many blankets lying around. Martyn, helpfully as always suggested we rip them off vagrants.

“Our need is greater….besides, its summer now. They don’t need them anymore anyway”

I was thinking about this a lot yesterday. Someone was saying watching their wife give birth was a truly hideous experience. I asked if he filmed any of it.

“No no, she’d have killed me. It’s just truly hideous.”

I really fail to understand why a woman to would let her husband witness her at her absolute worst. It’s like watching someone have diarrhea quite noisily, accompanied with all the buttock clenching, teeth gritting and general grunting. Do you then want to go down on them? Really, do you? I get love and all that but basic human chemistry needs a little help. Especially after a while. The last thing you need is to watch them split their anus squirting out a child with a head the size of a melon (probably inherited from you to boot) I mean your vagina is being torn apart, blood is pouring out everywhere, some pee too, you’re fat, bloated and sweaty, poo is coming out one end, a brat another, and you’re just disgusting in every single way. Whatever happened to the good old days where a man paced outside the room nervously, a pack of Cubans and a gold lighter in his pocket, while the woman discreetly gave birth without her poor hubby having to witness her flapping labia and vulva? There is the story of the first 4 Eves that were created for Adam. Adam watches as God creates one of the 4 Eves inside to out. The guts, the bile, the blood, the pus, sweat, everything. Adam rejects her, he’s horrified. So God destroys her, puts Adam to sleep, extracts a rib and when he wakes there is the fifth and final Eve, complete and beautiful. This seems to be the sensible way of going about it. I don’t even want to pee in front of my partner. There has to been some element of mystery that remains after a while, otherwise whats there to be attracted to?

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9 thoughts on “Frames And Birthing

  1. peeing is the element of mystery that your significant other is attracted to? fucking weirdos.dude, the verification thing geting better. i kid you not, it is smrleo. smear leo?

  2. maybe it’s easier to emotionally blackmail him afterwards when he’s seen you suffer like that, I mean it’s a thing you also go through for him and his offspring, which he lateron might become attached to – when it isn’t looking so slimey, wrinkly and red anymore

  3. hey akshay!your here. how nice. what a pleasant surprise i must say. hows the medical buisness going?anon: i’m sure that no matter how slimy the baby is the dad will love it. its the woman I’m thinking about in particular. how can you fuck someone that you’ve seen doing something absolutely disgusting and vile? is what im curious about. [clearly i’m not a great believer in unconditional love]

  4. The most disgusting thing about us is probably not our body functions but all kinds of nasty character traits, but of course they’re not as easy to nail down as what you don’t like about your boyfriend not closing the door to the bathroom or whatever.I’ve heard some men find their newsborns ugly and disappointing when they first see them. I mean really, it takes them some time to get cute, at first they look like tiny deformed geriatrics.

  5. yes i’m sure but I’m not even talking about the baby. I’m just saying that as a woman, i would would prefer the person I love to find me attractive and that them witnessing such absolutely disgusting things would surely have an negative effect.not babies. nothing to do with babies [for a change]

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