Graduation Rant (This rant has little or nothing to do with graduation)

Koreoan Girl

Costume Girl

Graduation day.

I missed most of the gowning and capping and sitting in an auditorium doing fuck all for 3 hours.

Came in time to see some people standing around grinning in forced poses like imbeciles and a tiny lady in a Kimono plus obi taking pictures.

Joined the lot able to ditch their parents in the Westminster Arms and am abused soundly by all for being a huge twat to miss such a glorious occasion.

Foz ‘claims’ he plans on giving up smoking this Saturday.

Why Saturday? Is that the day his pack runs out? (If not, can I have it?) Why not quit now? Or even on Sunday?

Although I’d imagine if God was really creating the world in 6 days, then the Sabbath would be the day he kicks back, puts his feet up and lights a giant god-like fag to blows smoke all over his lovely creation.

Smell that all of you? I made this, I made everything. I made you and I made fags therefore you will smoke them and like them or else burn in hell, you bastards (My god is very Biblical and full of bile).

I spent the last year and so many packs slowly breaking Foz in and now all my effort will go right down the toilet. What a waste.

I find his lack of commitment to smoking really quite B.A.

(I’ve clearly put way too much stock in a celery-muncher. How pedestrian of me.)

Side rant: I loathe non-smokers more and more these days. They’re fucking ‘healthy’ lifestyles and other miscellaneous full-of-it bullshit they’re constantly rubbing into your face. (Worse by far of course are the ones who feel the need to inform you that you ought to quit.)

They had the Cafe’s, they had the workplaces, they had the Starbuck’s and the Batista’s and the Cafe’s Nero’s.

They had every single restaurant in town but Nooooooo thats not good enough. We’re non smokers, oooh you’re so evil. I drive a giant, fuel-guzzling, CO2-emitting 4×4 pollutant, I fly all over the world raising carbons levels, causing global warming and driving innocent Inuits out of their icy homes but your smoking is really the problem.

They want the pubs too. Every single harmless pub, our last refuge. They want the sheesha places. Seriously sheesha places! That’s a place where all you do is smoke sheeshas and drink Arabic coffee. Don’t fucking go there if you don’t want to. Go the fuck home and eat a carrot.

They want the bus stops and complete custody of the goddamn pavement, which as it is, seems to co-owned by pavement hogging mothers and their shat out brats in enormous double-strollers.

They want the bars and the clubs. What miserable greedy swine. What the fuck are non-smokers doing in clubs anyway? They should be in bed early eating a plate of crackers with gruel.

Foz if you ever read this, at least have the decency to remain a social smoker and not cave in pathetically like some Camberwell hippie to all the health hype.

If you’re not careful you’ll start going soft during crits, crying over love heart Valentine day cards, praising scribbles and begin to prefer soft pastel colours.

You’ll think foundation work is fantastic and beautiful in every way. Be warned. Being a non-smoker comes with so much baggage.

One of Foz’s new Camberwell students.

30 thoughts on “Graduation Rant (This rant has little or nothing to do with graduation)

  1. well not any moreand pret??? theres one in victoria with tiny shitty tables on the pavement outside and they have a notice saying “please do not smoke we consider this place to be our garden??” I’m going to fucking stand there and smoke. not buy anything just smoke. and blow it in a baby’s face [theres always one fucking baby drooling somewhere]

  2. garden??? apparently if you don’t smoke, you have to be fucking sanctimonious and corny too.….people who don’t actually know you are allowed to comment here too right?

  3. I’ve never heard of a fucking pavement on a polluted main road called a garden!!yes yes anyone everyone all people are welcome and encouraged to comment.much to leo’s chagrin

  4. according to trade laws, any external eating area is also considered part of the eatery, thus technically being an enclosed space, therefore the ban. Yes, its daft, but there you go. but this is where our first disagreement comes in – just because people don’t smoke, doesn’t make them health nuts. that’s an unnecessary generalisation, and we’ll put it down to nicotine-withdrawal. also, if you are going to live in a country where the government is expected to pay for the treatment that smoking <>does<> cause, then you’ve got to be prepared to be told what you can or cannot do.

  5. Firstly: the govt pays nothing,the people pay taxes. You ban one thing unhealthy, rising NHS costs Then its a slippery slope down to banning everything- alcohol – alcoholics are costing us millions, obesity problems are rampant so ban everything with fat in it- where do you stop? secondly the NHS from varying concil area can and do often refuse cancer patients treatment on the basis that they cant afford it. thirdly the chances are that you will also get a bad case of MSR in a unclean, poorly operated NHS hospital are huge. Assuming you can even get an appointment. More and more ppl due to the bug now have healthy insurance and go to private clinics if they don’t give me that crap.fouthly there is no nicotine withdrawal. i only smoke when i drink and never at home. so its not even an issue.a pavement is not a fucking garden and non smokers are fucking annoying health nuts.I’m banning you from my blog

  6. arre! again with the ban. c’est terrible. ok yes, the NHS stinks. one wasn’t defending it – one was simply pointing out the theory behind why they can apply the ban (they are supposedly working on the drink thing).

  7. they want to raise the price/tax on booze to prevent teenagers/alcoholics from drinking. why the fuck do I, as a responsibly drinker/smoker/drug user have to fucking pay for someone else irresponsibility??

  8. ahh, the nub of the matter. unfortunately, we do have to pay for the sins of the idiots that surround us. such is life – nobody said it was fair.

  9. thats absolute and complete tripe. I do NOT HAVE to pay for some spotty teens drinking/drug addiction. Secondly what gives me more satisfaction about the smoking ban is that now when you are with a bunch of people half go out to smoke/flirt and gossip while the non smokers either have to sit at the table and wait or come out and join us and inhale our hideous criminal smokes. so the govt can stick that. and youdont make me ban you again

  10. I’m a non smoker, ah, here comes the bile, but I couldn’t give a rat’s ass if someone smoked anywhere around me, hell my lungs are probably blacker than yours with all the second hand smoke about 90% of my friends and my sister throw at me all day long. I just don’t feel the need to light up myself. The one place I don’t want smoke or ash is in my car, and people have been good enough to either finish their smoke outside, or toss it and light up the moment they’re out. My car’s my last refuge, the only place I can rant and bullshit and ramble incessantly and without the need to make any sense at all, making fun of the idiots when they call in on that retarded radio meow, and I need clear air for that. Anywhere else, light up for all I care. But my car, my beloved, let’s just say no cop’s going to force me to hand my fag to the person sitting next to me…That was a remarkable self-centered reply. Heh, feels good sometimes 😀

  11. clearly you are my now favorite non-smoker. And i have no problems with designated non-smoking areas i.e restaurants, someones home, SOME PUBS, your car etc.. What bugs me is if ALL AREAS become designated non-smoking areas. So welcome passive non-smoker. You really might as well join our ranks.

  12. did you ever hear of anyone who died of second hand smoke? cos i fuckin dont, and if i did i certainly dont know them anymore cos i obviously killed them accidentally exhaling that sweet,sweet smoke. How fuckin sad must you be to die from someone else smoking, thats like catching aids from watching two people fuckin. its all bollocks anyway, non-smokers hang around us smokers purposely so that they get ill and can can lay the blame at our lungs “Oh it wasnt my fault (cough,cough), it was that bloke with the malborough lights who kept standing next to me where i was standing and blowing out smoke which i could easily have moved away from but was too fucking stupid to do so.” fuck em all and may they burn in hell.

  13. Ban him? Don’t exactly practise what you preach, do you Stalin? (although he does have a way of getting on your nerves, doesn’t he?)

  14. leo: thank you. your support is so appreciated. and in a typically chauvinistic way, you happily assume one is a ‘he’?scritch: one didn’t mean you (should) have to, one was simply pointing out that under the current system, you (actually) have to pay for other idiots.

  15. it was a threat which I haven’t enforced unlike you, deleting comments recklesslyoooh a girl. this gets better.see? you ought to un-ban her now.??! yes yes but this is not a blog for reason or reality.and also the smoking ban really annoys me. hey some guy got killed cause he asked 3 smokers to stop smoking and they shot him in the head. fucking hell.

  16. thankfully such laws would be obsolete in most parts of this country (india).in delhi, youre more likely to be killed by a bus than by lung cancer. and in bombay, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between the air pollution and second hand smoke.

  17. he didnt say he was a she. all he said was how do we know he’s a he. he sounds like too much of a twat to be a she. and if he is a she then she’s probably hideous. in which case, i wish to have nothing to do with her. wouldnt you rather associate with ugly guys than ugly girls? ugly guys are ok. all guys are somewhat ugly. but ugly girls are just embarassing man.

  18. sg: blessed be the land of over-population and rampant pollutants. Although the same applies here so I hardly get this hypocrisy.Vob: when are you down to london O wise one?leo: Do not be so sexist my child. girl boy dog cat, zen master say ugly velly universal. besides what are you talking about? WE also sound like twats 78.3% of the time.You have a seriously delusional view of yourself I have to say. I at least, am aware that I am a turd. Proud even, to be a turd but at least aware. You on the other hand are clearly suffering delusions of grandeur. Soon you’ll be trying to chat up super-models in bars. God so cringe worthy. But I really look forward to that day.

  19. Thankfully, it was eventually six o’clock and all was well. Now it is tomorrow and the process will start all over again.I understand that Madame Curie has invited us to a sausage burning contest in an un-trendy part of town. Due to circumstances entirely within my grasp I cannot afford the poxy train fare this weekend. However I plan to visit within the near future or die of something tragic soon after.

  20. hahahahaahah “I find his lack of commitment to smoking really quite B.A” as usual u kill me woman… how things there????i have to admit im really happy getting wankered in beautiful italy. tho i miss u all lot. f

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