Went out for a drink with A. and the ex last night.
We sat on the pavement outside the Dog and Duck in Soho, drinking and smoking most of the contents of my pack, occasionally being accosted by fag thieves (I hate them) and drunken bums who stumbled up muttering things like
“You’re talking with your hands again”only to then stumble away.
A Lex-doppleganger came up to ask us inane questions claiming he was filming for his YouTube based TV channel called ‘Community United National T.V.’ (or CUN TV)
“Nipples or belly buttons?”
“Wheatabix or extreme violence?”
A. answered in her Greek drawl,
“Weeellll, neepples beeecaaause theeey arrrrre niiiicerrrrr to leeeeeck.”
The CUN TV man seemed thrilled with such a porn star answer.
A. additionally regaled me with horror stories reported by other smoking veterans, about the horrific conditions smokers are forced to face in these harsh times.
Fabric (a vile club) apparently makes you que to go out for a smoke. You are then stamped with a number and placed into a group. The group is taken out into a square where there is a timer. Once the timer goes off whether you’ve finished your cigarette or not, you are then shoved and pushed, cattle that you are, back into the bowels of the club.
Immediately the next marked and stamped group are put out to graze. Sort of like a cross between a cattle ranch and Auschwitz. Why people still choose to go there is beyond me.
About Cheaters & Cheating:
The ex, A. and I got into a very heated debate on cheating. A. and the ex were in one camp while I was defending the rights of non-cheaters in another.
Arguing with cheaters is like attempting to walk on a bog. No matter what you do, you’ll be dragged down into the muck of their rational.
It’s the convenience in attitude that excuses you from all responsibility of your actions.
Their self-excusing rational:
1. “Oh it was a mistake. People make mistakes!”
2. “I didn’t want to hurt anyone!”
4. “I really love my partner, I really do. I care so much”
5. “But I couldn’t help how I feel…”
6. “It was beyond my control!”
7. “You don’t understand. You never know, it could happen to you one day!”
8. “It was really hard for me. Oh I’m such a victim here. Sob sob boo hoo poor me.”
The ex and A. bond over my non-cheating insensitivity to such a sad situation. It never is their fault. Circumstance conspired to do this to them. We (the non-cheaters) just don’t understand.
By applying this simple 8 step rational formula, cheaters can thus have all the ease and luxury of having their cake and eating it while simultaneously denying that free will had any part to play.
They did nothing. They are the innocent suffers.
I’m assuming that were P & M present with A. & the ex they’d have all agreed with each other (cheaters united after all) patting each other cordially on the back.
I don’t argue with being unable to control how you feel, but to go from that to claiming you are equally incapable of controlling your actions seems to me to be a massive leap in logic.
Let us challenge their argument one point at a time:
1. They made a mistake.
OK, yes. You fucked up. No argument here.
But this also depends a little on how you define cheating and how big is this ‘mistake’?
Is it just some mild flirtation at a party, or maybe drunken kissing, or full-blown intercourse. (I know someone who defines holding hands with someone else as cheating.)
I would find it hard to pass off intercourse as just ‘a mistake’. Maybe I lack the required amount of hormones that would just happily wipe out all parts of my brain that acknowledge this is wrong and allow for the insertion of assorted body parts without a qualm.
2. They don’t want to hurt anyone. If they tell, people will just be hurt and they’ll get dumped.
How inconvenient for them.
I asked A. if her boyfriend ever cheated on her wouldn’t she want to know?
No. If he still really loves her and he fucks someone else, but as long as she doesn’t know it’s OK.
What would happen if she found out regardless? They’ll have a massive argument break up.
And then what..? It would be pointless, she says.
Personally I’d like the person I’m going out with to have the decency to admit they crossed a line, but more crucially give me the option of either staying or going.
As opposed to them making that decision for me, and taking the path of least resistance and greatest convenience for themselves. This seems to me supremely selfish. I don’t even know how a relationship can work with that kind of secret.
Additionally I’d also like to know exactly what kind of person I’m actually dating, instead of the edited version that they choose to present me with.
All these people, these friends of mine, these cheaters – Their partners (or ex partners as it usually is) clearly seem have no idea who these people really are and what they are truly like. It’s probably just me, but I find it unbelievable depressing that these guys are dating people who don’t really even know them.
3. The Ex and A. go on and on about how much they may care about the person they are cheating on, that’s why it’s so hard for them (poor dears).
You can talk about love until hearts shoot out of your arse in a beautiful valentine spray but it means nothing unless your actions actually confirm it (although hearts shooting out of their arses would be kind of cool).
I’m not certain, but fucking someone else…? Is it positive confirmation…. of this so-called ‘caring’? Of course it is! It must mean they love more than people who don’t cheat.
4. A. argues passionately that I don’t know what I’m talking about, I might do it one day, only then would I understand.“You dooon’t knoooow whaaaat will happen! If you keep theeeese ideeeeealistic opinions you will be miserrrrrable! I am teelling yoou Jaaa-neeeen”
The last part is probably true. Being idealistic means there are always lots of lovely people like A., P., M. and the ex to help shatter your faith in the basic decency of other humans.
People like me just don’t understand. Cheaters are excluded from any responsibility from actions because it’s all out of their control. Don’t you see? They can’t help themselves. They are the victims here!! They’re special and I’m just too idealistic. I have no idea!
It’s also insulting that they seem to think (and especially the ex) that an occasion where I could have fucked off with someone else has never yet presented itself and that’s why I haven’t done it. The ex at some point said I didn’t realize when people were hitting on me, as if that in some way means I’m less likely to be tempted.
But the point is not that there is or isn’t temptation, but that I simply choose not to fuck someone over until it was more convenient to dump the one I’ve grown bored with.
Really all arguments aside this is what it boils down to:
The real ‘cheaters dilemma’ is – Who should I ditch? Ol’ partner A or new partner B?
What if B and I don’t work out? Will A take me back? Can’t I just test B out until I’m sure. A will never know. If it’s just a fling it won’t matter anyway.
Ah how lovely. What a shame I’m such an idealist.
These cheaters and their fucking logic! Their lame ass cop-out that cheating isn’t within their control is what I refute so strongly. It’s actively setting off on a course of action that involves a number of conscious decisions and then excusing yourself of any blame.
Sometimes you don’t have a choice blah blah.What absolute bollocks. Fucking seriously. The day I sympathise with a fucking cheater is the day I can turn rocks into solid gold. I ought to sympathize with what they went through because I am capable of saying ‘no’??
God this cheaters logic really disgusts me. I feel myself filling with bile even as I type.
I don’t know about anyone else but I have a small list of things on principle I would never do:
- Beat up an animal.
- Beat up a kid.
- Steal from my friends.
- Seriously rat out a friend.
- Become a stripper.
- Become a hooker.
- Do heroin
- Approve of the Pope
- Approve of Bush.
- Last but not least: Shit out a bunch of kids
My list isn’t a hugely complicated one, in fact the last 6 aren’t even principles – more like general notes to myself.
If I were to apply A. and the ex’s rubbish argument that you can’t control your feelings or actions, to any of the above… then for example could I, should I steal from my friends? It would be easy. They trust me.
L. has been over enough times, passed out, the contents of her purse littering my living room. How hard would it be to nick money off her? She’d never even know, she’d assume she lost it when she was wasted. There really isn’t anything to stop me from acting on this. I wouldn’t get caught, no one would know, so no one would get hurt right?
They abuse me soundly for saying I would never cheat just on principle. Apparently having principles makes me a huge chump who is destined for misery.
I find it quite depressing that I have so many friends and a significant other whose attitude, opinions and principles I can’t even begin to scrape up a marginal respect for.
I’m really rooting for the under dog here – Those poor bastards (the various boyfriends) these people have so cavalierly screwed over.
and over and over and over.
I believe the only thing that would hurt these cheaters would be if their lovely wardrobes of fabulous outfits and expensive designer accessories were completely trashed. (All of them are well dressed individuals) I don’t think anything else would affect them in the slightest.
Where will they be without the Gucci belt, the Lanvin wallet, the vintage Chanel shoes, all their precious clothes?
Material goods are really what lasts when love has faded.
I almost give up hope that cheaters will ever get the comeuppance they all so richly deserve until I came across something like this. It renews all my hope in poetic justice.
There now. I’ve vented as much bile I could. I’m worn out from all the rage and tension. I think in fact it is time for a fag.
Any other cheaters (oh so sorry I meant ‘victims’) or non-cheaters (insensitive morons like me) reading this – I wouldn’t mind your added bile/denial/agreement.