Every year our school had different ‘themed’ races: a sack race, egg & spoon, a race where you had to wear a Hawaiian skirt-garland combo.
One year we had to find a marble in a tub of sand before we could get to the finish. By the time the stupid thing turned up in my tub, 3/4 of the class had finished the race.
Being highly competitive I was determined, at least one year, to end up on the exalted podium of gold, silver or bronze instead of receiving the commendation reward [losers prize] of a lame coloured plastic ball.
So one year we had a milk race.
You had a line drawn at 50 meters where you placed a bottle of flavored Energee milk drink of your choice. Coffee or vanilla, and if you were really ‘out-there’ you had pink, mango and green milk [fuck knows what flavor green was].
Since kindergarten, the school had always been strictly divided into two distinct types of people. The ones who drank the coffee flavored energy and the tasteless twats who drank vanilla [which didn’t even taste remotely like vanilla; it was like a weird pineapple flavor]. The other flavors were rarely offered.
Being a stanch coffee energy drinker I could never associate with a vanilla milk drinker. It was a massive cultural divide.
I was fucked.
And I hate those stupid commendation prizes.
Finally the annual sports day trial-run came. The runners were all geared and ready. The bottles of milk were somberly placed at 50 meters, and like ol’ gun slingers we turned and slowly marched back to the start.
The gun went off and we all sprinted, racing to our respective coffees and vanillas..
Unfortunately it was a hot day. By the time the fastest [the guys practicing religiously] had sprinted to their drinks, chugged them down at top speed and then raced, bellies full of coloured milk to the finish line, they were about ready to hurl.
And so they did. There was a happy line of school uniforms spraying out row upon row of multicolored milk. Pink and white and brown and yellow mmmmm
The teachers had to promptly change the race to a plain 100 meter sprint.
And I came in third. Ha ha
Was this not a cheery tale?