A Very Cheerful Tale

We had this race in school once, for our annual sports day.

Every year our school had different ‘themed’ races: a sack race, egg & spoon, a race where you had to wear a Hawaiian skirt-garland combo.

One year we had to find a marble in a tub of sand before we could get to the finish. By the time the stupid thing turned up in my tub, 3/4 of the class had finished the race.

Being highly competitive I was determined, at least one year, to end up on the exalted podium of gold, silver or bronze instead of receiving the commendation reward [losers prize] of a lame coloured plastic ball.

So one year we had a milk race.

You had a line drawn at 50 meters where you placed a bottle of flavored Energee milk drink of your choice. Coffee or vanilla, and if you were really ‘out-there’ you had pink, mango and green milk [fuck knows what flavor green was].

Since kindergarten, the school had always been strictly divided into two distinct types of people. The ones who drank the coffee flavored energy and the tasteless twats who drank vanilla [which didn’t even taste remotely like vanilla; it was like a weird pineapple flavor]. The other flavors were rarely offered.

Being a stanch coffee energy drinker I could never associate with a vanilla milk drinker. It was a massive cultural divide.


People were practicing the minute the short break recess bell rang. I could barely force the coffee down in 2 minutes. One guy managed to knock it back in a record time of 12 seconds flat.

I was fucked.

And I hate those stupid commendation prizes.

Finally the annual sports day trial-run came. The runners were all geared and ready. The bottles of milk were somberly placed at 50 meters, and like ol’ gun slingers we turned and slowly marched back to the start.

The gun went off and we all sprinted, racing to our respective coffees and vanillas..

Unfortunately it was a hot day. By the time the fastest [the guys practicing religiously] had sprinted to their drinks, chugged them down at top speed and then raced, bellies full of coloured milk to the finish line, they were about ready to hurl.

And so they did. There was a happy line of school uniforms spraying out row upon row of multicolored milk. Pink and white and brown and yellow mmmmm

The teachers had to promptly change the race to a plain 100 meter sprint.

And I came in third. Ha ha

Was this not a cheery tale?

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15 thoughts on “A Very Cheerful Tale

  1. by the way, in the one where we had to go to the 50metre mark wearing a sign that said dog or cow or whatever and find a partner who was mooing or barking or whatever. i was a goat and nikhil dsouza bleated and we found each other and won second prize. man, no wonder we all gre up fucked up.

  2. That was indeed a most delightful tale which bought back many unpleasant memories although nothing quite as unpleasant as the concept of warm pistachio milk. But I do remember hurling after Mrs Stewart force-fed me salad.

  3. All this talk about energee and you don’t mention the most important thing they kept telling us: “it’s tastee, it’s healthee, it’s energee”

  4. strawberry. yes. it was yes. but not as much as yellow.or green.one of my earliest memories from school is sitting in the kindergarten class room with everyone in a wide circle on those coloured kiddy chairs around me, watching me refuse to drink green energee while the teacher is shaking her finger at me desperately trying to force me to do it. I’m pleased to say i was stubborn enough then that she failed miserably.

  5. haha! who is this anon idiot? The brown one is coffee!
    i feel like having energee now.
    Its fun reading these old posts in the middle of night, rem’g the days when people used to blog…Where are you now? I wish you would blog some more. Or do you have a new blog?

  6. i wish i would blog too.

    i wish i had 10 hands like kali and at least one full and functional brain.

    No no there will nevcer be another blog (unless my father finds this one)

    if i ever blog again it’ll be on here.

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