No One Ever Really Changes

I was just thinking about kids the other day.

No no, not for me. *hurl*

And no, not even about people fucking breeding them in enormous litters and then complaining about the fate of the world, tsk tsk terrible this global warming isn’t it?

No, I was just thinking about how Riddhi’s old house had a whole bunch of baby pictures of her and her brother plastered everywhere.

Most of her brother’s were of a happy-go-lucky, cheery child.

Nearly every single one of hers were in various stages of a tantrum. Her parents had even enlarged a really large portrait of her sulking thunderously and placed it in her bedroom.

Riddhi definitely, in her 24 years has mastered all the tantrum-throwing-melodrama-diva skills of a professional.

Clearly nothing has changed.

Sure there was that brief period in school where she was always smiling and laughing but aside for that small rebellion, she’s now happily reverted back into her natural inner self. The incredible sulk.

Even the ex’s first childhood memory, when I inquired, is of a massive strop. (It figures)

I’m definitely on to something here. I’m sure of it. In fact I think it must be investigated further.

My very first memory is of walking into my mother’s bedroom as she was breast-feeding my newborn brother, belligerently and loudly demanding to know what she was doing. I must have been about 2.

This seems to (in part) explain my revulsion/fascination with pregnancy. I’m also unfortunately still loud, obnoxious and belligerent.

Leo on analysis is very curious. I’m not exactly sure what his first childhood memory is but his long running streak of rejecting women is very curious indeed.

When Leo and I were in the third standard, I decided being as magnanimous as I am, to invite him to my 8th birthday party.

It was a pool party and by third standard terms, was a posh affair.

Ok so we didn’t actually have a pool. It was one of those blow-up paddling pools on our lawn and a rubber hose. (standards weren’t that high in the third standard, what can I say?)

Leo was the only boy invited (a great honour if I do say so myself) among the many little girls (not counting my brother).

On a side note:
Do you remember when everyone always wanted to stand next to the birthday girl or boy?

As if having a birthday party automatically made you a celebrity for just one day and the closer you stood to the birthday person the higher the chances of some of the ‘birthday magic’ would rub off. You’d get loads of presents and freebies, your long-suffering mother was forced to make and decorate a cake with a theme and even your guests got gifts when they left.

Damn I miss those birthdays. They just aren’t as good any more.

One year I’m going to have a kid’s party for adults. Everyone will have to dress as if they’re 8, bring gifts, play Housie (or as the English know it, Bingo), catch & cook, land-land-sea-sea, alligator-alligator and leave with a slice of cake in the a goodie bag. There’ll be loads of booze and….other stuff of course. We’re not really pretending to be 8. Besides if anything, for most people, getting pissed is the shortest route to acting genuinely juvenile.

Anyway, before I got distracted:

As the birthday girl I recall spending a large portion of my birthday trying to pull both Leo’s and my brothers swimming trucks down. My brother being younger, more naive and far more trusting of women than Leo, had his shorts yanked numerous times to a chorus of gleefully shrieking girls (or just me) sing-songing…

“Ha HA! Loo-ook whaa-aat I di-id nyeh neyah I can seeee youur bu-uum! Ha ha-ha hah hah!”

*point* *point*

Leo with evasive coyness managed to escape my brother’s fate.

Even at the end of the day, when my brother and Leo were taking a shower in one loo (*snerk*) while the girls showered in another, Leo refused my brothers innocent request to take off his trunks.

Which was lucky for him because all the girls then burst in to point and shriek yet again. My brother once again was caught pants down but oh no not Leo.

Fast forward about 16 years and Leo still seems reluctant to drop his trousers. Girls all over Mumbai, Delhi, Denmark, Tehran, Dublin, Sydney and London are internationally struggling to get the tease to detach his shorts, which by now must have grafted themselves to his rear.

I’m unsure if Leo was always naturally reluctant to have girls remove his shorts. Perhaps he had an inborn distrust of women.
Perhaps we actually scared Leo so much that even to this day he bears a morbid dread of a group of girls bursting in to point and giggle.

Perhaps in fact Leo is just a boy more comfortable bathing with other boys but firmly insisting he keeps his pants on. Perhaps people just never change.

I like to imagine that girls all over Khar (and possibly even as far away as Juhu hah!) are having little locker room chats (in the Khar gymkhana of course) bemoaning how Leo plays so hard to get-

“Dude that Leo just doesn’t put out man, it’s like so not on. What a fucking tease!”

“Yah yaar, he only lets me get to 1st base. I can’t wait this long man.”

I like to imagine how it might have now evolved into a competitive sport to see who can get Leo’s boxers off quickest, much like when he was 8.

No, people definitely don’t change.

I shall (no doubt) report back perhaps on any future investigations.


14 thoughts on “No One Ever Really Changes

  1. hahaha you have called me a cow many times I doubt you’re the only one. When I don’t write about you you complain when I do you complain. I’m just going to go eat more worms. Riddhi has destroyed my peace of mind already. fishy: its been totally established that your a hot and sexy bitch. and what are you on about i haven’t written about you in ages?besides its so true. you have shit loads of cranky pics.I just got a job i’m holding on to the damn this for dear dear fucking life.why aren’t you telling me gossip. you’re so mean. *sob*

  2. leo M i had no idea you were such an incredible sucess with the ‘ladies’. Though i myself have found you strangely alluring in the past (in a straight guy kind of way despite what this comment may suggest). But i sympathise with your plight with so many girls trying to remove your trousers. You have no idea what a problem this has posed to me in the past. Though conversely girls always seemed incredibly keen on me keeping my trousers on, despite my willingness to exposing myself. I think scritch revels in trying just to embarrass others. So this is where i shall repost with a hugely embarrassing tale about her to save your dignity young leo…… but unfortunately i dont have one because i dont hang out with her that much. Sorry my friend.

  3. Perhaps, Leo is incapable of putting things in the right place, in case the shorts come off? I am so sorry, if it’s true. I hope not though. Just a theory… i mean… you know, just a thought…

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