In a cunning stats-oriented move Russell Moore (An Adam and Joe fan, once referred to by the duo as “some kind of a genius man”) has convinced me that cooking show + screen grabs = stats boost. I’m curious to test out this theory.
In an even shrewder move Russell suggested I turn my focus from Masterchef to the lofty peaks of Nigella. (that wasn’t really meant to be a breast reference but lets roll with it).
The problem is, Nigella doesn’t bring up the same amount of bile in me as Masterchef does. It’s a laid back, casual sort of vibe on her show.
She says stupid, flowery things, sometimes, utter and complete nonsense. One such flowery outburst from a recent episode, that sticks in my mind was
“Mmmm I just love blackberries, jet and gleaming, glinting darkly from their snowy duvet of cream…”
I mean, who talks like that? Snowy duvet of cream. Sheesh.
And do I think those people, just ‘popping-in’ for lunch or dinner are really her ‘friends’? That probably isn’t even her house. She’s married to Saatchi (of Saatchi and Saatchi fame). They probably live in a gold palace paved with pigeon blood rubies and have diamonds in their chandeliers.
Does the camera focus on her licking her fingers and/or eating and pan to her cleavage a little too often? Sure it does.
But really, can you complain? Like a hindi movie, you must suspend your disbelief and just sink into it….After all, everyone needs a bosom for a pillow (Cornershop).
On a recent episode of Nigella – She says to a young and attractive man…(one of her ‘fake friends’ probably sourced on Gumtree)
N: “It’s a very artistic package you have there, if you don’t mind my saying so…”
Him: “…Uhm I think I just got a bit over excited by the chicken…”
Him “Mmmmm they are so good!”
N. in a husky voice “I’m glad you like my fajitas…you want to come again I hear?”
I’m sure it’s just my filthy mind but all I heard was –
“…got over excited…”
“mmmm…. so good”
“I’m glad you like my ‘fajitas’…”
“…you want to come again?