Everyone needs a bosom for a pillow

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In a cunning stats-oriented move Russell Moore (An Adam and Joe fan, once referred to by the duo as “some kind of a genius man”) has convinced me that cooking show + screen grabs  =  stats boost. I’m curious to test out this theory.

In an even shrewder move Russell suggested I turn my focus from Masterchef to the lofty peaks of Nigella. (that wasn’t really meant to be a breast reference but lets roll with it).

The problem is, Nigella doesn’t bring up the same amount of bile in me as Masterchef does. It’s a laid back, casual sort of vibe on her show.

She says stupid, flowery things, sometimes, utter and complete nonsense. One such flowery outburst from a recent episode, that sticks in my mind was

“Mmmm I just love blackberries, jet and gleaming, glinting darkly from their snowy duvet of cream…”

I mean, who talks like that? Snowy duvet of cream. Sheesh.

And do I think those people, just ‘popping-in’ for lunch or dinner are really her ‘friends’? That probably isn’t even her house. She’s married to Saatchi (of Saatchi and Saatchi fame). They probably live in a gold palace paved with pigeon blood rubies and have diamonds in their chandeliers.

Does the camera focus on her licking her fingers and/or eating and pan to her cleavage a little too often? Sure it does.

But really, can you complain? Like a hindi movie, you must suspend your disbelief and just sink into it….After all, everyone needs a bosom for a pillow (Cornershop).

On a recent episode of Nigella – She says to a young and attractive man…(one of her ‘fake friends’ probably sourced on Gumtree)

N: “It’s a very artistic package you have there, if you don’t mind my saying so…”

Him: “…Uhm I think I just got a bit over excited by the chicken…”

Him “Mmmmm they are so good!”

N. in a husky voice “I’m glad you like my fajitas…you want to come again I hear?”

I’m sure it’s just my filthy mind but all I heard was –

“…artistic package”
“…got over excited…”
“mmmm…. so good”
“I’m glad you like my ‘fajitas’…”
“…you want to come again?

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7 thoughts on “Everyone needs a bosom for a pillow

  1. Kula Shaker were a pseudo-psychedelic 90s rock band who toyed with Indian visuals/instruments. Their career was ended after a failed attempt to take back the swastica as a peaceful Hindu symbol (if it was a Hindu symbol, I don’t know!) They were quite good at the time but have aged very poorly. I always preferred Terrorvision for my 90s UK rock needs!

  2. I regret to report, Russell, that the stats didn’t noticeably improve for this post. Admittedly it didn’t have enough ranting and that always helps but still, there were screen grabs of boobs.

    1. I can only assume these freaks have less to do with contact and more to do with the time of posting and the fluctuation of when and at what time people are skiving online.

    1b Monday’s and Wednesdays seem to be peaking for no particular reason. I’d like to figure out what these fluctuations are exactly. Tuesdays, Fridays Saturdays and Sundays seem to be low tides.

    2. Self-linking increases stats of obvious reason.

    3. Double facebook posting increases stats (since this blog has disable google bots searching for it)

    4, If anyone has any other suggestions (enabling google is the obvious one but I can’t take any chances with work or my folks)

  3. Pingback: Masterchef Update | Tin Roof Press

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