We’ll Be Irate When You Can’t Be Bothered! Call Now!

Irate Letter Scan 1…contd at the bottom of this post. Ad for our Irate letter writing service, right. Click to view large.

I have decided to become more active in my complaining.

Leo and I wrote a whole list of complaints down in his note-book (we were drinking at the time), which we never ended up sending. Those are at the bottom of the post.

These are some complaints I’ve made over the last quarter or so….

HMRC online has a ‘ask a question box’, so this was my question:

Friday, 06 August 2010 at 20:06

“I find this repayment on account/future payment of tax thing totally confusing.

Why is this system so complicated? I feel like I’m playing ping-pong between my bank & HMRC.

I have no idea what’s going on, even when I look at the numbers it makes no sense. Just take my tax when you have to instead of on this date, then this other date for the future tax, oh wait it’s too much, oh wait now its too little.

This is not really a question. Please just simplify this system. It’s insane.”

My Complaint to Nisbets Kitchen Suppliers:

With about 10 typos – I was that angry.

I’m having some serious problems with your site :

  • I made an order – when the order went through the subsequent page was blank and gave no confirming details that the order had gone though
  • I recieved no confimation asking me to verify my account – so I can only assume anyone can create an account and use it, using anyones else email address and it will never be verified?
  • I have not received an email reciept of my transaction
  • The transaction I made does not show up on my account details online
  • I called yesterday and it was confirmed that the transaction was made and that I should recieve a reciept

I’m sorry to say I find the shopping experience on your site dissapointing for the reasons above and would not use it again.

My account no. is PRO2388674. The PDF of the order I made attached below

Yours Sincerely,
A dissatisfied customer.”



To the UK Border Agency:

Notice my deferential and polite manner. This is because the UK Border agency hates people and especially hates foreigners. They don’t want us here. They hate handing out visas. They only do so grudgingly. If they can find an excuse to decline a visa by golly they will.

On 24 August 2010 19:54

“Dear Sir,
There seems to be an error on page 17 of the Tier 2 (General) Application Forms on the links below.
(Screen Grab Attached)
Application Form – Pg 17 – Biometric ID Information:

  • I do not have a biometric ID nor was I asked to provide one last year.
  • The website states that only once you apply for a visa will you be sent an invitation letter to enrol for a biometric ID
  • Both forms on the pages linked below do not allow for any answer that is not “Lost, Stolen, Expired or Elsewhere”
  • “Elsewhere in the UK border agency” points to a question that is for “Lost”
  • This seems to be an error.
I hope it will be fixed soon.
Kind Regards.”
Nisbets replied promptly and that was very nice of them. I appreciate that. (I bought a little white Chefs jacket with the ex’s name embroidered on the left. I plan to eventually also by a chef’s hat to complete the look – Although maybe a Marco Pierre White bandana will suffice)
The H.M.R.C and The UK Border agency don’t lower themselves by communicating with complainers.
If we don’t like it we can just get out of their country, fucking foreigners.

Some of Leo and my irate letters. I was delegated to write most of them because Leo, like any good writer who drinks can’t hold a pen straight and if he does his handwriting is completely illegible (see scan 4, on the left in red).

We got Riddhi to write a couple as well. The irate letters get stupider and stupider as we get on.

Disclaimer: These are not to be taken seriously (except the one to the Toll Naka Chut)
Click to view large.

Irate Letter Scan 2. Contd from above (Scan 1). Click to view large.

Irate Letter Scan 3. Subliminal (kind of) message to Leo, right. Another ad, left. Click to view large.

Irate Letter Scan 4. Not sure who MMRGA are. Letters from Riddhi to Toll Naka Chut, right. Click to view large.

Irate Letter Scan 5. Illegible drunken scrawl from Leo, left. Even more illegible scrawls (if that’s even possible), right. Click to view large.

Irate Letter Scan 6. I don’t know who’s joke idea that was, left. Click to view large.

Irate Letter Scan 7. We got tired by the end of it all and ran out of irateness. Irateness is finite. Click to view large.


9 thoughts on “We’ll Be Irate When You Can’t Be Bothered! Call Now!

  1. I love an irate letter, especially to BA when you can back their hideous service up with copious receipts and boarding pass stubs. I’ve had a very angry week – I got in a massive fight on the bus with a lady who was trying to steal my food shopping, got in another fight in the park with a woman who was referring to herself and her son in the third person to try and make a ridiculously passive aggressive point about my having brushed past him, swore at another woman on the bus for being a complete twat, and then called BT and let a woman in India feel the full force of my pent up wrath, Used the word ‘ludicrous’ ample times, and then demanded a refund. Then I fell asleep – it was all rather exhausting….

  2. What a great way to spend time! I like the notebook as well. I want to write one to my boss for forcing me to come to work on a non-working Sat AFTER working my ass off all week, while she was galavanting across the country with her pervy husband

  3. I honestly think somethings awry, full moon or something making things squiffy peoples fuses are super short, others are more morinic than ever and I seem to be attracting them like a magnet! Ugh….. Staying in relative safety of flat!!

  4. I love your email to Nisbets. I would be surprised if they gave you a satisfactory response! No doubt you had to place the order again. Amazing that this world of technology and companies still can’t get the simplest thing right!

  5. Pingback: The Letter | Tin Roof Press

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