Socially Inept

A lovely etching by someone called siptakg on Flickr

There’s nothing better than a good house party – you can smoke inside, you control the music, the drinks are cheap and there’s no queue to get in.

But there’s also nothing worse that a bad house party. Difficult pauses. Polite chat. Racking your brain to make conversation.


I have a fear of going to parties where it might be awkward.

I’m fine once I’m there, but I worry in advance about the ‘Polite Conversation’. That’s why a good buffer is handy.

Last last Saturday an M.A. student from by year at St. Martins invited me to their house party, which was down the road from where I live. The only guests I knew who would be there were Catholic boy (he’s a Catholic. The Pope. You know.) and Astrid (amazing photographer/designer/pig butcher. Don’t ask).

As usual Leo had already booked in a bunch of Danes for the evening. I wasn’t sure I could invite them too. So I passed over Leo (similar to the Biblical passing over the Israelites)

First I thought, I’ll go fashionably late. I’ll go an hour after the invite time. That’s fashionable.

You don’t want to arrive too early and be the first. If you arrive when there already are a bunch of people you can always move away if there are pauses in conversation.

Then I think, maybe I’ll eat something before I go.

So I eat.

Then I’m quite full.

Then I think about how many people will have arrived already. I start to think maybe going earlier would have been better because that gives you the upper-hand when others start to arrive, of already being settled in. Walking in a room which is already in mid-swing can also be awkward. People have formed social groups. There’s mingling. And you need to mingle too and it’s all weird.

You see why I have problems?

Maybe I’ll roll one and then go after, I’m fully dressed and ready. Roll one, and watch some junk on the BBC iplayer as I smoke.

So in the end, I was sitting on the leopard print-couch (Bollywood eshstyle) fully dressed, boots and all, even though it was clearly obvious – I wasn’t going anywhere.

I’m totally socially inept.


9 thoughts on “Socially Inept

  1. it was a very nice evening regardless besides we cant all be shameless smoozers who show up to parties 2 hours late and then remember very little. you might as well sit on a leopard print couch.

  2. You can’t be worse than me. I had to meet a friend’s bf today, I actually had to rehearse possible conversation starters with a friend before I left work! Unsurprisingly the rehearsal came in handy

  3. somehow my friends only tell me the bad stuff about the guys they’re dating. it makes me that much more reluctant to smile and exchange pleasantries with those bums.

  4. but bf bitching ss always fun, besides you have to take it with a pinch of salt. clearly they can’t be bad if they aren’t dumped.
    the ex complains about me incessantly to friends. i’m hoping they take it with a pinch of salt

  5. I’m sure they do. Bitching IS fun. I had this friend who used to gush incessantly about her bf. The whole week that phase lasted, i couldn’t talk to her for more htan 10 minutes at a stretch. Then (finally) things started to go downhill

    Why is there snow on the screen? As if it isn’t cold enough in the real world

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