Toasted Skin Syndrome

My knobbly legs

The Metro, one of my favourite papers (The Onion is another), has wonderfully random stories disguised as journalism.

One as I recall, was about an artist who made faces out of toilet paper rolls. No joke. Really though, I can’t think of a single joke.

There are others, like this:

“My walk in the woods went downhill when I saw wife having sex with love rival.. who then attacked me”

The highlight was the comment, below the story;

AnonymousCrowd Pleaser: You've got something to say, and everyone wants to hear it! Whilst walking my dog through some woods near my house last year, I tripped and fell down a very steep hill, hitting my head at the bottom and losing consciousness. I awoke in a daze and couldn’t find my dog. I stumbled home, but when I arrived things weren’t right. The house had changed and I was greeted by strangers. Not long after this, I was placed in an institution for youngsters where I was analysed. I kept hearing a strange voice calling my name, so I decided to investigate. I found a weird looking spaceship, which strangely let me climb aboard. Off we went, travelling the country, in the skies and under the sea. My alien friend; Max, taught me the meaning of life and not to take things at face value. After a lengthy travel, Max took me back to my family, where we got into a boat and laughed. I even hugged my little brother who I’ve hated since the day he was born. I understand that this sounds like the plot to Flight of The Navigator, but it’s true.”

Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/849065-my-walk-in-the-woods-went-downhill-when-i-saw-wife-having-sex-with-love-rival-who-then-attacked-me#ixzz1aeIDnrva

They had another article that I found very compelling. It was apparently about a rising case of a weird patterning on people’s legs. Toasted Skin Syndrome they called it.

When I first saw this on my leg, (I didn’t notice for ages) I immediately googled skin cancer. Then I checked every link. I didn’t learn much, go to the doctor for clarity the links said. So then I went to the doctor.

The doctor was very fascinated by my pattern and called in another doctor to examine me.

I felt odd sitting there being prodded, while not wearing any pants. (by which I mean trousers, not underwear. I rarely go to the doctors commando) This is why I’ve never visited a gynecologist.

I asked them if I had skin cancer. Should I make out a will? What about my wife and children?

Then they asked me if I had a heater. No I say. Do I have a laptop? Yes, yes. Do I sit with it on my lap sometimes? Hmmm yes I think so? For long hours? I guess. Is 4 hours considered long? Yes.

It was just my laptop battery inflaming the veins on my leg.

Which it is doing even as I type.

Ouch.

Goodbye.

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7 thoughts on “Toasted Skin Syndrome

  1. Thanks for sharing your experience! I also have this from a space heater. The discoloration is the same as yours now, it’s been almost 2 months. Hope this will fade away completely in time.. Greetings

  2. Pingback: Vejer De La Fronterra, More Photos | Tin Roof Press

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