Note: I’m so back-dated on my posts that I’m still writing about Bombay, even though I’ve been in London for nearly a month. But regardless…
In my quest to find Mumbai-chi lesbians I coerced Riddhi and J to come with me to the ‘Ladies Night’ at Firangi Pani. Ladies night, from 8:00 pm to 9:30 pm, advertised free drinks for all girls.
Apparently this draws all the lesbians like moths to a flame. (At least this is what I had heard, hence my coercing J to take me there.)
First Riddhi insisted we needed to go with Lovebunny to the middle of nowhere, to pick up a free pizza. It took us an hour to get there and back. Riddhi drove back while Lovebunny ate and gave a running commentary on Riddhi’s driving. I sat in the back listening to an Adele song on repeat. I’m not sure why we did this chakkar instead of just going somewhere for a drink while Lovebunny went to pick up his pizza. I’m sure there was a reason, but I never understood it.
We finally get to Firangi Pani, just as the Ladies night-time slot was ending (slot is such a dirty word, especially in the context of ‘ladies night’). Three more women turn up to join us (yay).
The place is disappointing. It’s gloomy and enclosed. The DJ is playing soft rock very, very loudly. Riddhi grows to hate the DJ. He was playing Nickleback and Green Day I can’t say I really blame her…(Ok look don’t tell Riddhi but after a drink or two I quite like Nickleback). There were no discernible lesbians in sight and worst of all, you couldn’t smoke.
There is no terrace for smoking, only a small room in a corridor, much like a dentist’s waiting room, with two bland black couches and some tables. There is a match box with only 3 matches in it on the table. There are two tall, industrial sized ash trays. The room reeks of stale smoke. There are large glass doors facing a lady’s toilet. At least the Ladies night theme is consistent.
The majority of the women a la FP’s Ladies Night seem to be camped in the smoking room. As were we, for most of the evening. Dreary as it was, it was better than the inside of Firangi Pani. J and I think we have spotted at least one lesbian (in the smoking room because that was where the party’s at yo). We are very excited. Yes that’s right, that’s how lame we are.
When we all run out of drink coupons (4 each) we give up on the lesbian hunt and bounce to Bonobo. At least you can smoke and drink simultaneously. At Bonono we play sex Antakshari (you name sex related things instead of songs) for an hour, because in our old age we can’t go anywhere without playing a game.
J keeps appending words in front of the word ‘pussy’ for various letters. ‘Y’ – ‘yummy pussy’, S – sweet pussy, H – hot pussy, and so on. She really likes to say pussy. She lengthens and really drawls out the word ‘pussy’.
‘Yummmmmmy Puuuuuusssssssssy’, like so. With relish. I begin to wonder if she likes it a bit too much.
Eventually we leave and go back to the garden to wind up the night (or is it wind down? You wind up a yo-yo, but then a wind-up toy eventually winds down….I’m confused. And English is my first language).
We sit around smoking and drinking, trying to zap mosquitos with my brother’s electric racket. J, the reigning Queen of the electric racket, nails them every time. Sometimes twice . *wink wink nudge nudge*
Riddhi forces us to play more games. She has become some gaming demon. There is always at least one board games in her purse so at 2 am in the semi-dark, we are playing a variety of games (which is the best time to play really). I got into it and now I have an intense desire to play cards while drinking.
I learned how to play Shithead, Icall, Mongoose , Masala Uno and Sequence. I’ve never had such a solid repertoire. But if you’re not careful, Riddhi will start yelling if you break any of the arbitrary rules of that particular game.
“THE RULES SAY NO TALKING! NO TALKING!!”
“YOU CAN’T PLAY THAT! IT’S CHEATING!!”
“IF YOU DON’T PICK A CARD YOU FORFEIT YOUR CARD!”
She is rather Fascist about game play (which I secretly enjoy).
My evenings in Bombay usually end with a stint in the garden. I like to soak up as much of the garden as possible while I can. London is such an ice box that I probably will be wearing sweaters and double socks well into June.
It’s also a very comforting way to end an evening and if you’re really lucky you might win a few rounds of cards.