Urban Tube Myths

There are the occasional urban myths about incidents on the tube. Most of these incidents seem to involve something unsavory. I have 2 such stories…

One is from Riddhi, told to me in all seriousness.
Like all good urban myths this story is prefaced by

“This happened to a friend of a friend of a friend who then told me this and its TOTALLY TRUE!…”

So a friend of a friend of a friend of Riddhi’s told her, then she told me. Got it?

A girl was traveling on the tube, late at night. When the tube pulled into the station of so-and-so stop she noticed that the last carriage was empty, and heeding her mothers warnings about getting into carriages that are empty went into the one next to it, which had 3 people sitting in it.

So she sat down opposite them. There was two men and between them was slumped a girl who seemed to have passed out drunk.

A few stops later a man got into the same carriage. He took a quick look at the 3 people opposite this girl, and suddenly looked horrified. He quickly sat down in a seat right next to her.

She sort of noticed all this, but said nothing. You try to say nothing and notice nothing on tubes. This is proper etiquette in London. I approve. Don’t be friendly, don’t get involved.

After a few minutes this man leaned towards the girl and whispered quietly,

“Listen, you should get off at the next stop and go into another carriage.”

Surprised, naturally this girl questioned him. Why should she do this?
He replied,

“Look at that girl between those two men…she isn’t drunk.”

“She’s dead.”

———–
Riddhi pronounced the last line of the story with such morbid earnestness that I couldn’t stop laughing.

How 2 men could drag a corpse through the ticket barrier without being noticed is beyond me.

But its a good story.

The next story, again 3rd hand, was by a friend of a friend of a friend.

This girl (why is it always a girl?) whose Alsatian dog dies. She’s very upset, but being broke can’t afford the cost of a cab to the vet.

So she puts the dead dog in a suitcase and takes it on the tube.

As the dog is pretty darn heavy, she’s struggling to lug the suitcase up some stairs. So while huffing and puffing this guy comes up to her and asks her if she needs a hand.

She gratefully agrees. So he heaves her suitcase up the stairs and asks

“Ooof! This is so heavy. what have you got in there?”

Embarrassed because he can’t possibly tell him she has a dead dog in there so she replies,

“Oh nothing..just some…old records.”

So they reach the platform and the tube arrives, she thanks him for helping her and he says no problem at all.

“Just get in first and I will hand you the suitcase.”

So she gets in, he starts to hand her the suitcase.

Just as the doors are about to close, he yanks the suitcase back out and on the platform.

The doors close, tube moves away and the girl is just staring at him as he waves to her, standing on the platform holding her suitcase.

He thought he’d nick a bunch of possible valuable records, but all he got was a dead dog.

The End.

Now I’m off to Espain, I have packed my esuitcase and will be drinking esangria.

I forgot to take out any Euros though. Doh.

No time to spell check toodles!

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