Tramp Stamp: The Update

Mom Tattoo

The Tattoo

My mother, true to her word, went and got her tattoo.

It’s a blue and green chinese dragon from the neck down to her shoulder. (No tramp stamp, thank god.). Took over 3 hours to tattoo I’m told. Impressive stuff, I couldn’t stand the drilling after about 5 mins.

When she first told me she was getting a Chinese dragon I told her she might look like a take-away menu.

Also let me just break away here to say: If your mother is getting a tattoo, then it is a sure sign that the trend is has peaked. (Unless you intend to wallpaper yourself like this guy here.) I’d suggest that rule for about just any trend.

So she asks me, what did I think of it?

This is all via G-chat by the by, with my father typing because my mother hasn’t yet come to terms with technology, even though she’s been using her iPod lately and has a new baffling high-tech phone. (Which I can’t use at all – It’s too complicated. By comparison to mine at any rate. Mine has no call button and doesn’t connect to the internet.)

“So what do you think of Mom’s tattoo?”

“Very nice.”

I mean it, even though that sounds like a half-hearted attempt at diplomacy.

“Wait, what do you mean ‘nice’?

She asks suspiciously.

“I mean it doesn’t look like a takeaway menu.”

It’s hard to know how to compliment the tattoo. I was mostly relieved it wasn’t something terrible. Or somewhere terrible.

“That means you think it does look like a takeaway!”

“Aare no! It looks cool, very cool.”

It does, it does. I mean it.

“By the way, have you noticed that it’s an ‘S’ for Sonja?”

“No I didn’t but that’s a nice touch. Although, all dragons are drawn in ‘S’ shapes. What if Mom’s name was Gonja?”

What if her name was Gonja. I don’t think I’d like having a mother with that name for a start.

“She says there’s a method to her madness. The dragon could be the other way too.”

I have no idea that ‘the other way’ means. I let it slide. Sometimes it’s better not to ask.

“The head has to be inwards because that way it gives her power and strength. That’s its significance.”

What maha bakwas (hokum). I love how tattoo artists and branding people tend to spout the same garbage. We’ve had to do a couple of branding exercises at work and man, the nonsense you have to make sound legitimate is amazing.

Then my father had the audacity to tell me my mother has more ‘guts and balls’ than me because her tattoo is bigger.

I know. Like, gasp.

And whatever!

So I told him she was a copy cat. I got mine over 10 years ago. So there.

“Now now don’t be like that…”

I like that he says “Now now” even though he clearly was stirring.

“But yours is so wimpy!”

The cheek!

My mother didn’t speak to me for a week when I got my navel pierced and was dead set against my getting a tattoo. I had to hide it for 5 years. I got it done in a shed in Goa by a man with the most appalling black nails. I have had no desire for another.

“It cost Rs. 350! What do you expect?”

Apparently my Mom’s tattoo cost Rs. 12,000. Holy crap.

Also I can’t believe I’m having to justify the smallness of my tattoo to my father. The world has turned on its head.

She wants to get another one now. On her ankle.

Seriously. The trend is totally over.

Heart breaking, I’m sure.

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21 thoughts on “Tramp Stamp: The Update

  1. ::laughs::
    What is your tattoo?? (And where is it…)
    Your mom’s tattoo though, you have to admit, is nice =)

    My favorite horrible tattoo story though is a friend who got fleur-de-lis on the small of her back with ‘all for one and all for love’ written above? around it? Don’t remember. To be displayed on her wedding day by her dress cut down to her asscrack.
    Bonus visual: A very large girl.
    Bonus trivia: The ‘tramp stamp’ is called ‘Arschekrone’ (ass-crown) here in Germany 😀

  2. hahahahahaha . . . .

    This is a very good entry btw, quite apart from the intrinsic interest and suspense surrounding all things Your Mom.

    I still feel sorry about your tattoo. Mostly that it happened under such dingy circumstances.

    Considering her endurance, let’s hope Mom doesn’t become addicted. If she had started out with the ankle that might seem more reasonable.

    You may have to divert her towards body piercing. Then she can take it out when she tires of the trends.

    In and of itself, I guess it’s an impressive dragon. But she really went all-in, didn’t she?

    • Don’t feel sorry. I got it purely on a whim – because i wanted to ‘experience’ a tattoo. I’m fond of it in a sentimental way.

      My mother is saying some troubling things lately. About botox and more tattoos and I’m supportive of the tattoos but botox – no no no no!

      • Ewww . . . is she watching too much telly, listening to Girls Aloud or something?

        A widow 2nd cousin of mine recently got a tattoo. She has a new boyfriend, and it’s all that ride a bike kinda stuff. One of these things where it’s like, they’re seventy and ‘experimental.’ Retired schoolteacher. She’s always been very stable.

        I guess I just feel, in your case, like, geez, hope she didn’t get hepatitis. I wish you could’ve had something more technically accomplished for your trouble– make the hooches jealous cause you’re so ‘on trend.’

        I’d probably look hot with a tramp stamp, but I’m saying no.

        • I don’t know – she seriously doesn’t need botox. I keep pointing out various fugs with work done but she’s says no no they haven’t had anything done – and usually their lips are completely separate from their face.

          I’ve told my father not to fund this insanity. He needs to draw the line somewhere.

          If you fit in a teenage girls jean probably yes. But I’m glad you are saying no. UV tattoos are the new tramp stamp. (you can only see them in UV light)

    • Oh no no, not competitive at all. She’s much girly-er than me. And better dressed in general. We have very different styles.
      But this is her phase of trying out things. My father is such a stirrer.

  3. This is hilarious! Thank you for this, as my wife and I and our 18 year old have been discussing getting tattoos together- I think I won’t bother now, (I was told recently that to wear skinny jeans when you’re over 40 is just wrong) think I’ll take the hint.

      • Is she/has she been a label-whore? It might get expensive, but if you can distract her into embellishing the wardrobe instead of her person, that might help.

        Then again, she might just become all the more image-conscious.

        Maybe bohemian/vintage stuff?

        She could go to art school, but I’m under the impression that might just give her ideas. . . .

        • no labels. She’s a professional shopper. Labels are just not worth the money. She mostly like arty stuff. And collections – she has a collection of hats, then of piggy banks, then glass bottles now magnets. I think i inherited the hoarding/collecting gene.

          She paints, no need to go to art school. Her paintings are all over the house + my grandparents house.

  4. Wow. I never thought I’d say a tattoo looked classy, but your mom’s does. I’m not sure it means the trend has crested, or rather, that your parent/child relationship has now inverted. It happens to everyone, but rarely with such a clearly defined moment.

Deranged comments preferred

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