Hummer Rage

As I was standing by the zebra crossing near the flat yesterday evening, I saw some guy driving a Hummer down the street.

I looked at him and it and thought

“What a fucking c***.”

Who drives a Hummer down Essex road?

Who drivers a Hummer at all? That too in the city.

A poser with a tiny penis that’s who.

I have a little travel rage today.

 

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13 thoughts on “Hummer Rage

  1. Heh, that’s what I’ve ALWAYS felt about people with 6-inch from the ground sports cars in yellow and orange. Somehow, most happen to be balding and 40.

  2. I’m going to express my ego with a Hyndai.

    Seriously though: all people express their sexuality through cars. This is very well-established thinking behind the design. Even married mothers pick minivans based on the signals design and advertising submit to her about flaunting herself as Sexually Desirable.

    The Frenchman who pioneered the SUV concept at GM waxed ecstatic about activating childhood memories of sitting in the high chair which, at least in America, has little indentations in the tray setting for sippy cups.

    “You’re high off the ground, see, like in za highchair, you feel secure, strapped-in, in charge. And what do you have around you?– look, you’ve got your cup, and it’s got its little cuppieholder!”

    He took the reporter covering him to the showroom floor just so they could eavesdrop on shoppers. He tells the guy, “See, the first think they do when they look inside, they count all the cupholders!”

    A woman opens up an SUV, peers inside, cries out to her husband: “Oh my god, it’s got eight cupholders honey!!”

    Frenchman beams, triumphant in his planning. Their minds are childish putty to his infernal genius.

    See dear, it’s not just about Hummers. We are, all of us, Hummer drivers in our way.

    Except maybe you don’t drive? And yet, you have a small penis.

    • 1. Don’t drive.

      2. “all people express their sexuality through cars”

      Men – yes, that is a typically male thing to do. That and building tall pointy buildings.

      I dont think most women buy a car based on the projection or desire for a nice big butt or bigger boobs or something equally ludicrous. Maybe thats just me.

      But you could say all objects we ever buy express us in some way and in part that might be true.

      But regardless of his desire for a bigger penis, hummer man was an idiot.

      • You do admit that men have built all buildings, ever, and always will do so?

        I mean: grass huts, grass huts. Admit it.

        The minivans aren’t about finding an analogous body-part; they’re about signalling an all-around availability. If anything, I’m probably underselling this point. Married Moms still feel the ‘need’ for a *sexy* car.

        I’m not trying to deflate your cliche; you just need to expand it, in order to be sophisticated.

        And I can’t believe you wrote “f**king cunt” up there. Such language!

        • I know. I have a throughly filthy mind.

          Not all buildings by the way – I mean the tall pointy ones like the Burj, the towers, the empire state, the other one in Hong kong or Beijing. Specifically buildings that try and be taller and pointier than the rest.

  3. “You might object to the pointy ones, but you’ve taken something we built.”

    ‘we’ ?

    Well I dont think men have built all buildings. That’s a little silly, even taking into account all the gender inequality. In any case don’t you watch Grand designs? All those building, plotting, women managing their architects and husbands driving them to tears?

  4. Hmm, thought I’d venture through your blog roll (since your page is interesting, your interests must be…) but Doodlers Anonymous & Clients from Hell – neither of them could I comment on. Clients from Hell was great – tell him, if you’re in touch with him.

    Seeya – will try Sad & Useless now, like the sound of that, but if that’s read only also, will give it a rest. Cheers.

    • Yes I know its annoying. I hate being forced to ‘sign up’ to leave a comment.
      I think there is an internet service that can do that for you or something.
      I need to remove the Adam and Joe blog since they’ve abandoned us.

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