The Blue Pill Sunglasses

Sketch Book - Mask Pencil

Sketch Book – Mask Pencil

It’s been a little over 2 weeks since I had my eye surgeryThe patient, (that’s me) is meant to wear sun glasses for the first week, especially when outside.

Technically you can take them off after a week, but I find my eyes ache after many hours of staring at a computer screen, so I’ve taken to wearing them in the office.

I vary the range of my cheap, shitty, usually scratched, plastic sunglasses.

Some days it’s the pink ones (Hot pink, bee-like, the edges encrusted with diamante. Unholy things.) on others it’s my large yellow heart ones and more recently, a donated pair of fake blue and white Raybans.

One of the bosses at work protested at the yellow heart sunglasses. He couldn’t take me seriously, he said.

At first wearing sunglasses indoors made me feel rather dickish.

I’d apologise and explain, aware that some people would regard me with the same disdain I’ve regarded many a skinny-jean garbed louche who dared to wear sunglasses indoors. (and during an even less forgiving mood, wearing sunglasses on a cloudy day)

But once I got used to the idea of being rather dickish, (surprisingly quick turn around time getting used to dickishness) I confess I rather enjoyed it.

In the middle of the night especially. The is something deliciously twattish about wearing sunglasses in the middle of the night.

It’s like you’ve just arrived jet-lagged from a drug fuelled party with Pete Doherty and other sunglass wearing ponces on their private plane.

Having a justifiable medical reason to do it is just the chat masala on top of a juicy kala khatta gola.

Leo came over last friday and we spent a mellow couple of hours re-watching The Matrix: analysing, decoding, nit-picking. Generally tearing it to pieces. A pleasurable late night, post-dinner activity. (I’m taking a little detour around my sunglasses story, bear with me.)

I’ve noticed that at one point in the movie, Morpheus calls Neo, opening the call with

“This line is tapped, so I’ll be brief…”

And then immediately goes on to say,

“If they knew what I knew, you’d be dead… You’re the one Neo.”

Don’t fucking say that shit on a tapped line you fool!

He then tells Neo and any informant listening exactly where to meet his rebel crew.

In fact his entire conversation is exactly what not to say on a tapped line.

  1. Mention you have a secret
  2. Then give out that secret
  3. Give out your location and time you’ll be at that location.

Jeez Morpheus.

Also why didn’t he just code Neo a magical phone that isn’t fucking tapped (like when he FedEx’s a phone to Neo’s office), or just message him on his computer?

Sketch Book - Mask Stage 2

Sketch Book – Mask Stage 2

Over the years of re-watching the Matrix (every time it’s on the TV, which is often, I’m compelled to leave it on.) I’ve often oscillated back and forth on the red-pill-blue-pill issue.

Leo usually humours me when I bring this up, (and I bring it up frequently, because for some reason it’s perpetually on my mind) since The Matrix 1 seems to be particularly of our generation.

So which pill would we choose? The Red or the Blue?

When I was a teen I remember watching the movie for the first time in the cinema with the girly jing that I hovered around back then,

After the movie ended one of the girls said

“I don’t know why he would take the red pill. I’d have taken the blue one.”

I immediately doused her with a massive bucket of scorn.

“Ugh! You’d take the blue pill? That’s SO lame! How can you possibly take the blue pill? Don’t you want the truth??”

Said with all the absolute conviction and derision that any teen worth their salt can muster.

I was so sure the red pill was the only pill worth taking.

Now as I’ve grown older, when I think about that girl’s statement I can’t fucking imagine why anyone would take the red pill. The real world is a pile of shit. Given the choice now, I’d prefer the blue pill.

But then each time I watch the movie from the start I agree with my obnoxious teenage self and think

“I’ll take the red pill. Of course I would. I want to be in control of my destiny!”

but if I watch the movie from somewhere in the middle it’s

“Nah, I’d take the blue. Dreams are nice.”

So I’ve developed some theories about the movie, the pill dilemma and why this circular thought process keeps happenening :

(again, bear with me, or if you prefer, skip to the bottom. I put a drawing up from my sketch book.)

Besides the philosophical aspects of the dream vs the truth I’ve come to the conclusion that the way Morpheus grooms Neo in the first 20/30 mins of the movie makes it virtually impossible to not take the red pill.

These are Morpheus’s grooming tactics:

He didn’t tell Neo it would be a bunch of garbage in the real world.

He says “The Matrix it can’t be explained, you have to see it for yourself”, when he could have quite easily said, “Look it’s a bit shit – It’s dark, robots keep trying to kill us and the food is terrible.” but he doesn’t.

Then he says, as a caveat, so Neo can’t later say “Fuck dude! You fucking groomed me!”  – “I’m only offering the truth nothing more.”

So really, Morpheus is like a sex offender.

He first speaks to Neo online, they develop a trust, then he builds on that trust.

He wants to meet, and takes Neo to some random run-down building in the middle of nowhere. (Classic.)

Then he coaxes Neo to take a drug.

What options did poor little Neo have? He was like a confused virgin with an internet pervert.

But aside from my take on The Matrix, I watched the entire movie wearing sunglasses on, lounging waaaay back in the sofa, like I had rubber-bendy bones and was in some sort of coma.

Every time I take my sunglasses off now I’m offended by the bright glaring harshness of everything. That fucking red-pill.

I know I’m going to have to stop sooner or later, but a part of me really wants to hang on to wearing sun-glasses 24/7.

Maybe it’s some compensation mechanism for not having glasses anymore.

Maybe I miss my glasses.

I would SO definitely eat the blue pill.

Mask - Final

Mask – Final


27 thoughts on “The Blue Pill Sunglasses

  1. Only you could have combined an eye surgery, a tangy-sweet kala khatta gola and the quintessential pill into one blog post! Oh yeah, the sketch is so prettttty 😀 Thank you for moments of chuckles and wonderment!

  2. You lied about drawing being your only skill. I can see others. Also I love that movie. Its one of my favouritests..

  3. This post has all the absurdity of blue pill sunglasses in it. Agree with Karan, drawing is not your only skill.

  4. Im an absolute Matrix whore. Everytime it comes on I watch it, no matter what part its at. And then I will stay with it, letting it linger in my head for days on end. WHen I was a teenager and watched it with a bunch of friends, we had also just circulated that absolute piece of shite Richard Bach book called “Illusions” and I was convinced nothing in the world was real.

    And Im a blue pill taker, all the way. Back then. And now too. Of course we all want to be in charge of our destinies and all that jazz, but somewhere I like things to just go on the way they are, without necessarily knowing the hows and whats and whys of everything around me.

    I like me dreams.

  5. Morpheus as a sex offender. I love it.

    I always think of petty Bollywood celebrities when I think of people who wear sunglasses indoors. I remember seeing one at a movie premiere. The film was The Avengers in 3D so this genius did the only thing one can in those circumstances: wore the 3D glasses in front of the sunglasses. naturally.

    I’d ask for a pill in a more interesting colour. Red and blue? Meh. Give me purple or, at the very least, cyan.

    • hahahah thats how i left my eye consultation the first time.
      they dilated my pupil and the minute i stepped out of the clinic i was was blinded.
      so i had to wear my yellow heart sunglasses over my thick blue soda-bottle glasses, while shading my eyes with my hand, all the way to the tube. I looked less like a a petty sleb and more like a mental.

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