Sick of Strange faces? Just Looking For Screw? You Came To Right Place.

I’ve decided I’m going to start collecting spam.

I can’t help it, collecting is in my blood!

Subject: Cool I’ve taken a camera to my vicious nude ice-cream party

Howdy, cowboy!
Sultry weekend days always make me do thrilling ideas.
Last weekend I arranged an ice-cream party and invited my hottest roommates to enjoy.
After a couple of vodka shots we were eating ice-cream out of each others’ bikini delicate parts!
I cannot stop sharing the most fascinating photographs with you!
View my profile to spot me doing dirty things.

What’s with the word ‘fascinating’? Nearly every second spam email I get has the word ‘fascinating’ or ‘thrilling’ in it. I wonder if spammers have a large whiteboard up with a word of the month.

Maybe they set themselves themes.

“Ok guys, now for the next batch I want a summer themed set of spam letters.

Nude girls, ice-cream, bikinis, vodka shots, swimming in the river. Got it?

Word of the month – ‘fascinating’. Use it frequently. Stats show that people love the word ‘fascinating. Open rates of spam emails with the word ‘fascinating in them are 5% over the average. Now make me proud boys, make me proud.”

I do want to go to that ice-cream party even though I don’t approve of food on delicate parts.

The hygiene, the stickiness, the hair. Oh no no.

Ice-cream in a chocolate cone? (Gelato….mmmmmm) Oh yes yes.

Two Sailor Lads... I'm not saying anything...

Two Sailor Lads… I’m not saying anything…

Subject: Are you sick of boring rendezvous instead of kinky screw?

Go check out for yourself and you’ll wonder how many kinky babes want screw while their hubby is not at home.
The site is just for people like us who are sick of looking at the strange faces and just look for screw.

People are strange when you’re a stranger …something something something boring rendezvooooooouuzz, let’s go look for scrrrreeeeew!

I don’t like looking at strange faces. This is why I rarely go out.

Subject: Like nice girls or like vicious gals?

What’s your mood today, lover?
Looking for love and cuddling or probably you are waiting for a
super steamy hookup which leads to a very satisfying and extremely one-time relationship?
That could perhaps evolve into something with time?
Let me tell you this, I can be all of these things.
I’m really changeable! Forget all this matchmaking stuff, you gotta see me, I’ve got very stunning photographs right here in my profile.
write me and we’ll take it from there!

My mood is mildly hung over with a touch of grouch. How are you pumpkin pants?

Vicious or cuddling? Vicious or cuddling? Hmmmm I think I want a vicious lover. Someone who will gnaw my ear violently in a PSYCHOTIC RAGE and then bite my nose off. Like some scene from a horror movie.

They should put this stuff up on

Balloons on the tube

Someone had tied balloons on all the railings, not just this carriage, but as far as I could see, down the next 2 carriages as well.

Subject: Have you viewed my erotic photos?

Hello, I believed you and I got on well and after I sent you those erotic pictures I believed you would be back in touch with me. Didn’t you like them?
Anyway sexy it is my account send me your profile and you and I can hook up.
I can be much wickede than you’ve seen on that pics, they were not as glowing as I do have lol.
Wanna see you here shortly

WELL YOU BELIEVED WRONG BABY! Listen, I just wanted to see your dirty photos. HAH!

Not like, talk. Come on. LOL right back at you byatch! I’m glowing now! I don’t need YOU to glow!

Portobello Electric

Portobello Electric

Subject: I falter to say but I dream see of casual dates…

Something like quick slaming in the car or pool sex… 😉

I’m not too fastidious about males so just write me a message and lets have some delight!

Oops! Can’t thatI said it!

I can’t imagine slamming in a car is much of a delight. This one needs to be read out in a falsetto and an accent. I read this out to the ex and couldn’t stop laughing.

Oops! Can’t that I said it either! (I’m easily amused)

Daily Bible Quotes For you, check now !

Please click the ‘Display images below’ button above to display the full message!!!

Now for something totally different…vice isn’t your thing? How about some of that God we keep hearing about so much.

Subject: Me and my horniest roommate on the beach playing little mermaids
From: Magdalena Poindexter

Hi, big boy! The weather was dull and gloomy yesterday,
and many people spent their weekend at home frying sausages in their gardens.
But my bad friend and I went to the beach for having a good stroll in the wash waves.
The place was totally empty, that is why we made a fantastic naked photoset of two Little mermaids.
I have just uploaded most stunning photos for you right here!
See my profile and contact me online in a chat – we shall talk about some finest moments.

You see?? I’m right! It’s a summer theme! BBQ, wash-waves, good strolling and it paints such a vivid picture of red-headed women with scales instead of genitals. Hot!

Angel Lights

Angel Lights

Subject: My very first visit to the nudist area with my hottest friend

Howdy, boy! As you remember I had a naughty dream of going to a nudist beach one day.
I love tanned skin but I find tan lines unbearable.
Well, it was the most thrilling experience.
Many men had an instant hardon when I took off closes and spread my limbs in the sun.
Visit my profile, I have some new ardent photos there!
Enjoy them and drop me a line how do you like them!

I have a phobia of taking of my closes for this exact reason.

I love the idea also of instant hardons. Like ‘Doooooiiinnnnnggggg!” and up it pops. Like a jack-in-the-box.

Angel wet pavement

Angel wet pavement

Subject: Dearest One,
From: Madam Alimata Raja

Dearest One,

I am Madam Alimata Raja I am a widow being that I lost my husband,my husband Late Mr Raja Sule was a serving director of the Cocoa exporting board until his death. He was assassinated by the rebels following the political uprising, before his death he made a deposit of Six Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars ($6,500,000.00USD) here in Ouagadougou Burkina Faso in one of the Security Company, he intended to buy a Cocoa processing Machine with the fund.I want you to help me for us to retreive this fund and transfer it to your account in your country or any safer place as you will be the beneficiary and recipient of the fund which we will use for joint investment in your country.I have plans to do investment in your country, like real estate and industrial production. This is my reason for writing to you. Please if you are willing to assist me and my only Daughter Linda Raja ,indicate your interest by replying urgently

Thanks and best regards .

Madam Alimata Raja

Ah! I’ve missed these so much.

This is the ‘traditional’ more or less what I would consider the conservative style of spam letters/emails. The intricate sob-story plus the promise of great reward for a good deed.

I like the phrasing of this one too. The repetition of the word ‘husband’ in the opening sentence in particular pleases me. It’s almost poetic in its rhythm.

“I am Madam Alimata Raja I am a widow being that I lost my husband, my husband Late Mr Raja Sule”

I also enjoy the totally casual way the daughter was dropped in just at the close. That and I like to say ‘Ouagadougou Burkina Faso’ really fast.

Heh. Ouagadougou.

(I told you I was easily amused.)

Now for some more miscellaneous photos.

2 adorable enthu cutlets

2 adorable enthu cutlets

An Enthu Cutlet

Another adorable Enthu Cutlet

Blue Trees

Blue Trees sketch. Though I’d just toss that one in here.


13 thoughts on “Sick of Strange faces? Just Looking For Screw? You Came To Right Place.

  1. Now I’m all worked up! Because all I can see are the spelling mistakes and appalling grammar. That’s the trouble with Spam, it’s written and sent out by bloody ILLITERATES. And I’m a pedant. Now I’m going to be worked up all day. Humph. 😉

  2. Playing little mermaid with my horniest roommate… ahahahahaha.
    ::wipes eyes::
    Why don’t I get these emails? What am I doing wrong???
    (Nice blue tree sketch, by the way…. =)

Deranged comments preferred

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