Hobo Park

An old toothless drunk, like a sad Santa Claus, in the park near work ruined my lunch this afternoon.

Tried to get rid of him by giving him a piece of chocolate cake.

Needless to say it didn’t work.

I want to be more sympathetic, but fuck, I really hate drunks.

And anyone who says they are so-called  “Good drunks” are exactly the kind of annoying drunk I want to punch.

Here is our approximate conversation and his total inability to take a hint.

That’s another reason I hate drunks, regardless of their hobo status.

They always want to make chit-chat. They can’t take a hint.

“I made it!”

(he said as he flopped on the grass)

Then

“Girl, don’t let me interrupt your lunch.”

Then immediately following this well-intentioned statement,

“What are you reading?”

“Who?”

“I can’t see the title.”

Then he crawls up right next to me to leer hopelessly at my book cover.

The title is typed in a large font, but his eyes have trouble focusing. Shocker.

“But don’t let me stop you reading!”

*Seconds pause* then

“Wow that smells good, where did you get it?”

“Just carry on reading – Don’t let me stop you…”

“Are you hurrying to finish your lunch because of work? Don’t let work push you around. Design studios can fuck off.”

– No mate, you can fuck off.

And you ARE interrupting my lunch.

So I left him my cake and legged it.

My breakfast showing my the finger

My breakfast showing my the finger

For years I thought you could actually tell the time by counting dandelion seeds (Thanks a lot Enid Blyton)

For years I thought you could actually tell the time by counting dandelion seeds (Thanks a lot Enid Blyton)

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19 thoughts on “Hobo Park

  1. Ahhh, the drunken annoying hobo. I’ve unwillingly talked to that guy before! Or different versions of him. There are so many parks in Portland that I don’t even go to anymore because being aggressively spare changed does not make for a relaxing lunch break.

    • That sounds even more tedious than these drunks. (really must download Portlandia) These are professional drunks. They don’t need the spare change so much. They just like to get wasted in the afternoons in the park.

  2. I hate anyone who comes up to me uninvited when I’m having lunch, drunk or not. Go away. Sad that you left your cake, unless it wasn’t *good* cake, then it wasn’t such a big deal.

    Enid Blyton isn’t so well known here in the States but I had friends who brought me Noddy books every time they went to visit family in London. And even when i was a kid I thought the whole Gollywog thing was a little weird.

    • yes I agree. And it WAS good cake ­čśŽ it was chocolate fudge cake. moist too.

      Well Noddy was a bit tame. and she was probs a bit racist. but the wishing chair and the faraway tree, & mallory towers were all good

      • It’s funny, I misremembered him as saying, “Don’t let DESIGN push you around.” I thought it was quite funny, like the old lady in Muriel Spark who says, “Just fuck the General Reader, no such person.”

        But I see I recrafted his phrase in my head. Maybe you should craft a t-shirt with the slogan “Don’t let Design push you around.” Try saying that around the water cooler and see if it catches on.

        If anybody gives you money I want some.

        I mean, anytime somebody gives you some money: I want some.

        • “Don’t let design push you around” is a good tag line.
          I’d put that on a tshirt if i wasnt reading a good book right now.

          if anyone gives me money – i’ll never breathe a word

  3. ‘Breakfast giving me the finger’… I’m cool as long as that shit doesn’t punch you in the face….

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