I’ve decided to start an ‘Experimental’ Life Drawing ‘Class’. It seems to be all the rage these days.
Here is the concept:
Each class will be an 1 hour only.
Class 1: Blindfolded pin the donkey drawings.
You will all draw donkeys and pin it to each others backs.
Class 2: Scribbling
Drawing scribbles. If you actually draw anything good I will hit you with a ruler. That is not the point of experimental drawing.
Class 3: Cats
You will all pretend to be cats meowing, while drawing left-handed. You need to imagine how the cat would draw. If you refuse to do this I will call you ‘pedestrian’ and ‘restricted’ and tell you how you are not ‘open to new experiences’ because of your stunted emotional relationships with your parents.
Class 4: Pictionary.
We will all play Pictionary.
Class 5: “Living Statues”
The life model will do a jazz dance while the entire class stands still for an hour, nude.
Class 6: So Many Tears
Everyone will sit in circle crying. You will draw each others crying faces while you are crying. If you are not really crying hard enough I will rub a chilli in your eye.
Other suggestions for classes from helpful commenters which I have now included in my curriculum:
Class 7: Skypeart
You will draw portraits over a bad skype connection. The pixellation needs to be rendered accurately or I will sneer at your work as being “amateurish”.
Class 8: Songs of Praise
Someone plays a Bontempi organ while everyone makes invisible drawing with their ears. (Contribution thanks to Emma R.)
The Payment Plan
You will pay me £800 pounds for these classes. I will justify it with a load of amazing art bollocks, using words like “challenge” & “imagination” and “art” and “theory”.
I’m going to call my class “Undrawing for lots of money”. I can see this enterprise expanding into a global brand. Like weight watchers, with classes in various cities all over the world. Portland (Mike), Australia (Kim), Oxford (Emma), Bombay (I’ll find someone)
I tepidly may have toyed with the idea of this being a free venture but on consideration I’ve changed my mind.
It will never be free. If its free it won’t be ‘real’ art.
‘Real’ art always has a cost. Someone told me this in not so many words recently.
Don’t you know only artists who sell their work are ‘real’? (Or they need to paint on canvas. I was told that too.)
This is a recycled piece of content from my fb feed. Sorry to those who read it already. (I’ve also got 5 unedited drafts and folders and folders of photos to sort. My hobbies are fucking killing me. I can’t keep up.)