Trendspot: 10 Books You Read That You Hated

Everyone is sharing the top 10 books that changed their life as part of some fb trend.

In turn, I’d like you all to share the top 10 books that you hated.

Because I’m like that. A hater yo.

Books that you absolutely loathed. That while reading them you constantly had to put them down so you could huff and roll your eyes properly.

These don’t have to be particularly bad books, they just have you have been books that rubbed you the wrong way.

Some of these books I hated so much it broke me of that hoarders habit of never giving away a book and I learnt to embrace the joy of charity shop dumps.

1. Catcher in the Rye: J.D. Salinger

So fucking whiny. I hate you Holden and your male-centric whining angst throughout this book. Fuck you in the rye. I hope you drop whatever you were catching.

2. The Well of Loneliness : Radclyffe Hall

Way to depress young girls everywhere Raddy. Also the self-sabotaging, martyrdom of the main character and her love interest just happily trotting off to breed with some loser, just because! (I mean how lame is that come on! Even back then that would be lame) is so infuriating, that it put me off lesbian genre books and movies until now.

I lie. I still can’t even watch or read lesbian genre movies and books. Can’t even watch ‘Orange is the new black’! I’m SCARRED FOR LIFE RADCLIT!  I’ve never even watched the L Word! All the pop-culture references I’ve gleaned from the L Word were by second-hand osmosis. Oh the shame. The shame! For that reason, Raddy, I’d like to slap you in the face with a big dildo. I can’t hate you Radster, since your book did change things for the lezzes of the time, but I do resent you. Have another dildo in the kisser just for luck.

3. 1984: Orwell

Ugh. You depress me Orwell. Sure, you were accurate and terrifying, But I never want to see you again. Real life is crappy enough. I hardly need you to add to it.

4. Gormenghast

Surrealist poetic meandering around a great, hollow, loveless castle with reams of allegory. I don’t hate you with fire – but I wont read you again and was perfectly happy to give you away. It was a trilogy, but I gave up after one – It was more than enough. What an uphill trudge around that castle!

5. Any and all Danielle Steel Novels

It was only one (that too in school). I don’t know why I read it. I really don’t. Must have been a mad, masochistic impulse. I blame peer pressure. I never went back. Her books are only good for C-list movies starring Z-list botoxed actors, that play on subscription-only channels in the middle of the day for bored housewives to masturbate to.

6. Julius Caesar: Shakespeare

Blah blah blah (in verse). Et tu Brutus. Blah blah blah (in verse). The end.

In school we had to memorise every tedious verse besides the translation and vomit it up in an exam. Yuck.

And to add insult to injury now I’m occasionally obliged to go see endless versions of various hammy Shakespeare plays at the back of pubs. No no no! I’m fucking tired. How many times?? No more. I have to resist the urge to yawn when I hear people saying ‘Thee’ and ‘Thou’ and cross-dressing. I’d rather watch a real drag act than this shite over and over.

7. Old Man and The Sea: Hemmingway

Another one of those ‘school books’ that is highly rated but in actual fact is deeply dull, and needed mugging and regurgitating in an exam. At least it was prose, which is why I chose it. But the endless going on and on about the stupid fish and the salt. Shut up already. It’s a big fish. You don’t have salt. We get it. Fuck you on your stupid boat old man. I’m glad it killed you, you old bastard. You should have let it go. Poor fish.

8. Fanny: Jane Austen

The worst of the Austen’s I’m sorry to say. I don’t hate it because it’s bad per say but because the heroine is such a snivelling self-righteous prig. She is uptight, has no sense of humour and is very religious. As romantic heroines go she is as unlikeable as it gets.

Since P&P is about one of my all time favourites and Lizzie Bennet is a delight (I’ve read it once a year since I was 15 ) this was really quite a disappointing about-face from Austen. I’ll tag Northanger Abbey and Mansfield Park in here too. Both forgettable. Austen lovers try to rationalise why these 3 are still worth reading but it’s just academic waffle. Never trust academics.

THESE BOOKS SERIOUSLY SUCK. AUSTEN, WHY DID YOU DETERIORATE SO BADLY?? RELIGION IS THE ANTI-THESIS OF ANY ROMANCE DON’T YOU KNOW THAT?? FANNY WAS ODIOUS.

9. The Great Gatsby: F Scott Fitzgerald

Daisy why you so bitchy? You social-climbing whore. I fucking hate you swanning about in your 1920’s white frock and soft voice (I vaguely remember her voice being mentioned). You made me hate femmes forever. All the characters in this book were deeply annoying on some level or the other. You know what Daisy needed? A tight slap. From an Indian aunty in a salwar.

10. Villette: Charlotte Bronte

Really any Bronte novel that isn’t Jane Eyre is well avoided. After wading through aprox 500 pages of the most dreary wearisome tripe about some beaten-down governess (she really had a thing for down-trodden governess and drrrrama) who is unloved and alone, wah wah boo hoo, until finally, she lands the hero (who is deeply emotionally abusive btw) who then promptly goes off in a ship telling his love to wait for him (like she has nothing better to do in life) and on the very last page of the book, the author has him killed!

Whoops Spolier!

No. I’m not sorry about the spoiler. In fact its a warning for other hapless readers who may stumble across this travesty of a book.

I AM STILL ANGRY. BRONTE WHAT THE FUCK?? SERIOUSLY? WHAT WAS YOUR PROBLEM?? THE LAST PAGE?? YOU WAIT UNTIL THE LAST PAGE BEFORE YOU DROP THE AXE YOU VICIOUS SELFISH BITCH. BURN YOU!

Oh god. That feels good.

So cathartic this! 🙂

So what are your top 10 hated books of all time and why?

Sharing is caring.

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33 thoughts on “Trendspot: 10 Books You Read That You Hated

  1. HAHAHAHA this is such an epic list. I had to mute notifications from all those shiny happy people sharing their lists of books they loved.

    I loved your list. You are hilarious. BUT, HOW could you hate Catcher!!!

  2. I’m not reading your “Villette” entry, because I saw ‘spoiler’ and when I read the first twenty pages of “Villette” in college they blew me away so hard I put the book aside because I couldn’t stand the excitement & have put it off forever to have “something to live for”. So maybe finally I’ll read it. Everybody agrees it’s the greatest C. Bronte novel and one of the best ever.

    “Mansfield Park”– what is this “Fanny” biz? Since I’ve already browbeaten men on the internetz for getting Austen plots muddled I’ll have to swat for you FORGETTING THE TITLE!. I love Fanny to death. She is wonderful, loveable, moral. The book only divides people because they can’t bear the merciless dissection of the crass selfishness of the Crawfords (Mary is a godless slut). It’s so magical. Poor defenseless Fanny, belittled and besieged by everyone. I relate profoundly to her plight: a girl of unbreakable will, but whose exterior is so polite and pliant that everyone, everyone, thinks she is nothing and will do whatever they say. Possibly the greatest Austen novel.

    –“Julius Caesar”. Haha. Barack Obama supposedly can quote it, just like you can. I suspect you’re both lying.

    –I’ll give you most of the rest. TOM&TS isn’t prime Hemingway, it’s just assigned because it’s brief. TWoL I never read, but I suppose it’s not the most heartwarming ending for the contemporary lesbian– though needless to say we all know perfectly well that the “off to breed” bit is entirely relevant and, cough cough, always will be . . . .

      • lolzolzolzolz “just because you get dumped by a butch” . . . .

        Believe me, sister, I’ve SEEN how the butches luv to rock that assumed heartbreaker swagger and soak up the compliments from their femmes but, ah, I’m purdy sure in the end it’s the femmes who do most of the dumping. Politely explained, likely, as “moving on” . . . .

        The occasional 16 year-old butch can rock it like Tadzio in “Death in Venice”, but face it, aging butches are walking adverts for brown paper bags. And even the 16 year olds too often fall into bad haircuts and cigarettes, which they can never smoke as attractively as petite fashion models do

    • Oh yeah I forgot the title! quite right to chastise me for it although considering the appalling quality of all 3 last novels its hardly surprising. I meant to add Persuasion in there. Also forgettable. and I did.

      But to return to Fanny: She is far from loveable. She is full of that gross victorian judgement and intolerance. Sure she’s been snubbed by the horrible parents but she is just as horrible about it now. Shame on Austen . On the one hand she detests Mary eneough Edward has some of the same qualities but Mary is the ‘godless slut’ (ah rubbishing Republican hypocrisy at its best from you. Nicely done) while Edward is to be redeemed. or ‘Saved’. Mary tries to be friends, because unlike Fanny she’s actually a decent, well bred person, Fanny just sits there judge-wudgy with her bitch face on thinking herself so infallible and righteous.

      If she were really religious she’d leave the judgements to her god and be a little tolerant, but clearly she feels like she must act on his behalf. I doubt her god would appreciate it being a typical male with a fiery ego. She and Edward are probably in literary hell for being such bad characters.

      • Oh, bull. Mary is frivolous, shallow, she knows her brother (an adulterer) is just trifling with Fanny but eggs him on anyway. It’s a long ‘courtship’ that basically comprises sexual harassment.

        Fanny is right to oppose the theatrics because she correctly sees that the whole thing is one thinly-veiled improper sexual dalliance. Both her cousins are trying to snag Henry Crawford, who is an unscrupulous “player”, while Mary, a trophy-wife wannabe, wants to land Edward but force him to change his profession so he’ll make enough “beta bucks” to keep her in the sphere of affluence to which she aspires.

        Besides that, the Crawford siblings are psychologically wrapped up in what is a quasi-incestuous relationship. The elder Bertram girl’s adultery with Henry finally proves to all what those sorts were really made of.

        Fanny Price would be a delightful companion for any man– even Henry comes to realize that. Shallow, willful Mary would still force him on Fanny, knowing Fanny’d be stuck with a syphilitic philanderer all her life. “Well-bred”, ha! She’s arrogant, rude, assuming, borderline blasphemous, and not as smart as she thinks she is. The scene where she imposes upon Fanny to wear Henry’s necklace when she wants to wear the one from her brother is borderline S&M. She’s trying to MARK poor Fanny for that whore of a brother of hers. Mary Crawford never takes a hint in the whole book.

        And Lord God, don’t be one of those silly secularists who tells us “God is Love” and all that crap. “God is Love” does not mean “Love is God”! Or, as Robert Frost said, (I paraphrase tightly:) “I’m sick of hearing about how love can solve all our problems, Maybe hate could solve some of our problems.” Amen.

        –And really, I’m shocked you dismiss “Emma” and “Persuasion”. This is nuts. You’re trashing the three greatest novels in the English language. “Persuasion”, the most moving novel ever written! If you don’t ‘get’ ANY of them, then really, you’re just another one of those teenybopper Janeite wannabes who just likes S&S and P&P. –All you really deserve is Heyer and a kick in the hynie for that

        • “Persuasion” – please – that was terrible. But I think it was written while she was dying of what is now speculated to be cancer so it reads more like a draft than a finished book.

          Fanny might be in the right, but she is still unlikeable.

          Emma – No i never included Emma in the list! Emma, P&P & S&S – All 3 i love.

          • “Emma – No i never included Emma in the list!”

            –Alright, I guess you’re counting “Northanger Abbey” as part of the last three. But it was written first. Last 3 published would be “Emma” and then the dual publication of “Persuasion” and NA.

            “Persuasion” was finished, and the ending re-written, before she moved on to compose 12 chapters of “Sanditon” before she was too weak to continue.

            “Persuasion” is the best-written novel in the English language. And the most moving. How can you not see this?

  3. “You know what Daisy needed? A tight slap. Like from an Indian aunty in a salwar.”

    –Cute image, but Dr. Freud would say you’re imaginatively displacing just a smidge. How do you look in a salwar, btw?

      • Are you getting paid to collect these “lists”? Oh well . . .

        1. Aldous Huxley, “Island”. LSD-fried Huxley’s late-in-life paeon to Buddhist utopia is a freaky hippie embarrassment, loaded with porno-movie scenarios (nurse wears open vest, letting her tits fall out in her patient’s face while she blithely lectures for pages on end about Spinoza and free love) and creepily precise depictions of the well-oiled chests of prepubescent children tripping on magic mushrooms. Money-shot line: “The world is real as shit”, spoken by the hero after he does drugs while listening to Brandenburg Concerto No. 4.

      • 2. Agatha Christie, “4:50 from Paddington”/”What Mrs. McGillicuddy Saw”: I’d probably enjoy rereading it now, just for the atmosphere and nostalgia; but reading it in 8th grade as my sixth or seventh Christie novel, I was horrified that I figured out precisely who the killer was, why he did it, and who he would marry to finish collecting the dough. Hope that’s not a spoiler. Also pegged the True New Love pairing among a couple of the innocent suspects. In short: I cracked the formula. But maybe this proves I’m meant to solve conspiracies today?

      • 3. “Never Let Me Go” by Kazuo Ishiguro. A brilliant performance in its way, and it left me haunted and struggling for answers for melancholy days afterwards. [SPOILER ALERT] Then I started thinking about all the plot holes. How many times can a clone donate organs? What organs are we even talking about? Or is there maybe an unspoken understanding that the clones are semi-superhuman, that they can regenerate organs on a limited basis? But I’m making that up, because there isn’t a speck of a hint of that in the text. And how come no lovelorn boys fall in love with sexy cute tragic clone girls and try and save them from their fate?– ie. what EVERY SINGLE MALE WHO READS THIS BOOK IS GOING THROUGH. Because it’s a book about melancholy tragic doomed hot young clones, an idea about which every male (probably including fags) on earth has jerked off about only 12,000 times between 12 and 26. Plus there are dude clones, so everybody gets a piece.

        Come to think of it, weren’t they encouraged to have sex? Those clones grow up very promiscuous. Is that a satirical message? Is the book about brainwashing? Is it about abortion? Is it about the Holocaust? Is it about transhumanism? Is it about sex trafficking? Is it about euthanasia? Is it about child abuse? Is it about slavery? Is it about animal rights?

        Truth be told, Ishiguro’s subtext is so all-encompassing, it could be a devastating attack on anything– or nothing. One suspects, finally, that the whole novel was a sort of writer’s game: an E.M. Forster homage about a dreary love-triangle, spiced up with a portentous but utterly vague whipping of sci-fi. That a story about systematic murder is so bloodless only further infuriates.

  4. I’ve missed you, o Hater, and I was hoping you’d get blogging soon. “SCARRED FOR LIFE RADCLIT!” =D The one for The Great Gatsby, though, is gold.

    • alas, it cannot be as frequent if i am to maintain my drawing. i wish i had 6 hands and 2 heads. or a ghost janine that could leave my body as as astral spectre and write a blog post then return to my body at the office.

      your list should be good – lets have it!

  5. Pingback: Finding happy | hAAthi

  6. I only have a few because I generally throw a book against the wall if I hate it and it stays there.

    1. Brave New World. Aldous Huxley. Any twat, in the age of literary enlightenment, who couldn’t manage to imagine a FEMALE medical student doesn’t deserve to go past page 3. Unread.

    2. Lord of the Rings. J.R.R. Tolkien. So mind numbingly dull that I didn’t get past page 3.

    3. Catcher In The Rye. J.D. Salinger. What a stuck up stupid fuckhead with nothing on his mind but me, me, me, me, me. Unfinished.

    4. Siddharta, Herman Hesse. I actually read this through because until the bit where he joined the courtesan, I was thoroughly enjoying this book. I related to it, personally, as a human being. Then Siddharta ditched his lowly woman and son in favour of ‘enlightenment’ and I lost all respect for character, concept and author. I threw it against the wall but did pick it up again because to his credit Herman Hesse is a great writer. But for fuck’s sake. Yet again, the women aren’t capable of religious feeling and ‘ordinary’ life is incapable of being profound. Sheesh.

    5. The Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolkien. Description is not story. Period.

    6. Jane Austen. All her books. Drawing room prattle. Ho hum. We left it in the beginning of last century and it should rightfully stay there. Who are these women? Who cares???? I nearly didn’t read War and Peace because of this same thing, but persevered and read one of the best books of all time. I warn people about the first 100 pages though.

    7. American Psycho. Brett Easton Ellis (in fact all his books, nihilist, depressive twat, but this one deserves all of my bile). Not funny. Not brilliant. Not good for a nineteen year old woman to read, utterly undoable imagery that no one should see. I wonder if Brett Easton Ellis is a psycho. I wish I had never read this book. I did though, all the way through, because I was naive enough to think he might get caught. Terrifying, boring and obscene, manipulative disgusting fucking rubbish.

    That’s all I have for now.

    Except, I will never read Dan Brown, Robert Ludlam, John Grisham etc. That’s not writing. It’s rubbish.

    • Oh, 8. “Praise” author forgotten, nihilist depressive heroin blah blah that was cool in Australia among young hipsters. While we’re at, it and it is not a book but a movie, but fuck ‘Natural Born Killers’ too.

    • Good list! Well done.

      I have yet to throw a book. I just make awful groaning and retching noises. Sweet Valley High was one such. But it was also like crack so I sort of enjoyed it and hated it at the same time. Then I found barbara cartlands and my brain fell out of my skull so everything was fine.

      War and peace sounds dead depressing and clearly no one will be happy either during it or at the end of it. Which is probably true for all Russian literature except fairytales. I’d have to take Austen over Tolstoy even though some were pretty rubbish. (as per above, Fanny in particular. I fucking hate religion+morality. drawing room prattle is rather mellow. i’ll take it. )

      LOTR. I will fight you. the first book is a little slower but man it picks up nicely later!. Yeah hobbit. its true. But the movies are worse. You remind me I need to re-read them again.

      7. Bret Easton ellis is just a dude and like all dude he writes like a dude. you are right. i also read it at 19, bet avoided. but i’m softer now than i was then. so maybe it was good to get it over with.

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