Everyone is sharing the top 10 books that changed their life as part of some fb trend.
In turn, I’d like you all to share the top 10 books that you hated.
Because I’m like that. A hater yo.
Books that you absolutely loathed. That while reading them you constantly had to put them down so you could huff and roll your eyes properly.
These don’t have to be particularly bad books, they just have you have been books that rubbed you the wrong way.
Some of these books I hated so much it broke me of that hoarders habit of never giving away a book and I learnt to embrace the joy of charity shop dumps.
1. Catcher in the Rye: J.D. Salinger
So fucking whiny. I hate you Holden and your male-centric whining angst throughout this book. Fuck you in the rye. I hope you drop whatever you were catching.
2. The Well of Loneliness : Radclyffe Hall
Way to depress young girls everywhere Raddy. Also the self-sabotaging, martyrdom of the main character and her love interest just happily trotting off to breed with some loser, just because! (I mean how lame is that come on! Even back then that would be lame) is so infuriating, that it put me off lesbian genre books and movies until now.
I lie. I still can’t even watch or read lesbian genre movies and books. Can’t even watch ‘Orange is the new black’! I’m SCARRED FOR LIFE RADCLIT! I’ve never even watched the L Word! All the pop-culture references I’ve gleaned from the L Word were by second-hand osmosis. Oh the shame. The shame! For that reason, Raddy, I’d like to slap you in the face with a big dildo. I can’t hate you Radster, since your book did change things for the lezzes of the time, but I do resent you. Have another dildo in the kisser just for luck.
3. 1984: Orwell
Ugh. You depress me Orwell. Sure, you were accurate and terrifying, But I never want to see you again. Real life is crappy enough. I hardly need you to add to it.
Surrealist poetic meandering around a great, hollow, loveless castle with reams of allegory. I don’t hate you with fire – but I wont read you again and was perfectly happy to give you away. It was a trilogy, but I gave up after one – It was more than enough. What an uphill trudge around that castle!
5. Any and all Danielle Steel Novels
It was only one (that too in school). I don’t know why I read it. I really don’t. Must have been a mad, masochistic impulse. I blame peer pressure. I never went back. Her books are only good for C-list movies starring Z-list botoxed actors, that play on subscription-only channels in the middle of the day for bored housewives to masturbate to.
6. Julius Caesar: Shakespeare
Blah blah blah (in verse). Et tu Brutus. Blah blah blah (in verse). The end.
In school we had to memorise every tedious verse besides the translation and vomit it up in an exam. Yuck.
And to add insult to injury now I’m occasionally obliged to go see endless versions of various hammy Shakespeare plays at the back of pubs. No no no! I’m fucking tired. How many times?? No more. I have to resist the urge to yawn when I hear people saying ‘Thee’ and ‘Thou’ and cross-dressing. I’d rather watch a real drag act than this shite over and over.
7. Old Man and The Sea: Hemmingway
Another one of those ‘school books’ that is highly rated but in actual fact is deeply dull, and needed mugging and regurgitating in an exam. At least it was prose, which is why I chose it. But the endless going on and on about the stupid fish and the salt. Shut up already. It’s a big fish. You don’t have salt. We get it. Fuck you on your stupid boat old man. I’m glad it killed you, you old bastard. You should have let it go. Poor fish.
8. Fanny: Jane Austen
The worst of the Austen’s I’m sorry to say. I don’t hate it because it’s bad per say but because the heroine is such a snivelling self-righteous prig. She is uptight, has no sense of humour and is very religious. As romantic heroines go she is as unlikeable as it gets.
Since P&P is about one of my all time favourites and Lizzie Bennet is a delight (I’ve read it once a year since I was 15 ) this was really quite a disappointing about-face from Austen. I’ll tag Northanger Abbey and Mansfield Park in here too. Both forgettable. Austen lovers try to rationalise why these 3 are still worth reading but it’s just academic waffle. Never trust academics.
THESE BOOKS SERIOUSLY SUCK. AUSTEN, WHY DID YOU DETERIORATE SO BADLY?? RELIGION IS THE ANTI-THESIS OF ANY ROMANCE DON’T YOU KNOW THAT?? FANNY WAS ODIOUS.
9. The Great Gatsby: F Scott Fitzgerald
Daisy why you so bitchy? You social-climbing whore. I fucking hate you swanning about in your 1920’s white frock and soft voice (I vaguely remember her voice being mentioned). You made me hate femmes forever. All the characters in this book were deeply annoying on some level or the other. You know what Daisy needed? A tight slap. From an Indian aunty in a salwar.
10. Villette: Charlotte Bronte
Really any Bronte novel that isn’t Jane Eyre is well avoided. After wading through aprox 500 pages of the most dreary wearisome tripe about some beaten-down governess (she really had a thing for down-trodden governess and drrrrama) who is unloved and alone, wah wah boo hoo, until finally, she lands the hero (who is deeply emotionally abusive btw) who then promptly goes off in a ship telling his love to wait for him (like she has nothing better to do in life) and on the very last page of the book, the author has him killed!
No. I’m not sorry about the spoiler. In fact its a warning for other hapless readers who may stumble across this travesty of a book.
I AM STILL ANGRY. BRONTE WHAT THE FUCK?? SERIOUSLY? WHAT WAS YOUR PROBLEM?? THE LAST PAGE?? YOU WAIT UNTIL THE LAST PAGE BEFORE YOU DROP THE AXE YOU VICIOUS SELFISH BITCH. BURN YOU!
Oh god. That feels good.
So cathartic this! 🙂
So what are your top 10 hated books of all time and why?
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