How Does Superman Have Sex? A Sticky Conundrum

That eternal question.

Superman is made ‘super’ because of Earth’s yellow sun. Only on Krypton does he become ‘normal’.

Essentially every atom molecule and cell in Superman’s body is ‘super’. (In theory)

Which means that:

1. He shouldn’t be able to shave.

Human blades should just break on his super hair follicles.

So let’s pretend that his dad had the foresight to send him a grooming kit from Krypton way back when he was a baby to solve that problem.

2. Even his bio-waste should technically be super and un-wipeable using human methods: water, toilet paper, baby wipes.

So maybe he has to laser it off, using his eyes (He had laser eyes didn’t he?) and bouncing off a¬†mirror aimed right at his butt.

3. Lastly and certainly not leastly how does Superman have sex with a human?

Technically his super penis would destroy her vagina and his ejaculate could fly out at super speed and I’m assuming cause her to explode inside out.Basically I just don’t see how she could possibly survive having sex with Superman.

(Let’s not even get into the issue of a flimsy condom preventing pregnancy. His super sperm should result in pregnancy 100% of the time)

Maybe he needs to keep a lump of Kyptonite on him during coitus to render him more human, but since it usually cripples or kills him it seems unlikely that he’d be able to get it up.

I just wanted to share all this in the hope a solution to this dilemma¬†could be found to this… err… sticky problem.

It’s been on my mind.


5 thoughts on “How Does Superman Have Sex? A Sticky Conundrum

  1. You raise some very important points.
    Maybe he just looks, with those laser pointer eyes, and coitus is done.
    I dont know, Im just thinking out loud.

  2. Pingback: Crotch Magnetism | Tin Roof Press

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