The Pregnant Woman Rant

Dear Reader, (singular, of course)

If you are easily offended by extreme views then I would advise you to fuck off to some other pansy-ass blog.

A blog that will talk about butterflies and daisies and kittens and sweets.

Babydog

Babydog

Pregnant women, in general, annoy me.

The “glowing”, the hormones, the weight, the swelling of breasts and feet and the distended stomachs disgusts me.

But I have learnt to moderate my feelings. If women are willing to subject themselves to this, then good luck to them.

Don’t get me wrong, kids are alright, (at a distance) and I would even go so far as to say that one child I can understand (to a degree). But when it’s two or three I can’t imagine why any woman would want to do this to herself.

Mummy

Mummy

What in particular irritates me is the complete smugness with which they regard themselves. As if shunting out one child after another is an accomplishment.

When I do express my feelings of incredulousness (which is often, and not really a word) they smile and say patronisingly,

“Oh but when you have your own baby you’ll understand.”

Assuming, but of course, that by possessing a functioning uterus automatically makes you a future mother. But like I have mentioned before, I have learnt to temper my opinions. There will always be mothers and child bearers and housewives in general.

Babies

Babies

However when pregnant women start taking public transport that’s when there’s trouble (in my opinion).

Does being pregnant mean you are automatically entitled to a seat? If it is a choice we make, to bear a child, why is that fundamentally different from any other kind of choice?

For example, if I choose, rather unwisely, to carry around my laptop and 4 kilos of hard bound library books, does that mean I ought to be given a seat on the tube purely because I made stupid decision?

No one chooses to be either elderly or disabled. Therefore rationally they should be offered a seat. (so I believe anyway)

But it really pisses me off that pregnant women seem to expect that they get to sit, purely because they carry around a parasite.

What about maternity leave if you don’t have kids? What about extra holiday time for us single people, instead of rewarding these persistent breeders who inflict the already over-populated planet with yet another child?

What about benefits to people who don’t recklessly pop out one brat after another just to fill the time?

What enrages me almost equally, as the expectation that if you’re ‘with child’ you get a seat on public transport, is the sense of imposed guilt you are made to feel if you don’t believe that pregnant women are somehow doing all of us a great big favour by fucking off from work and getting paid to over-populate, and this idea that childless women are seen as somewhat sad, barren, somehow misguided creatures.

If you are perhaps thinking “Well you were once a child, and your mother was once pregnant…” I would reply that it was her choice and therefore her problem. I am joyfully childless.

You must watch Little Angels and Supernanny (I love Supernanny). Will make you want to wrench out your ovaries and/or testicles.

I read an advertisement in a bar loo last week that tried to coax you to visit to a health clinic. It stated that 1 in 10 people had chlamydia and didn’t know it. Chlamydia can present no symptoms for years and if left untreated could make you infertile. Bring it on, I thought.

If you are perhaps thinking that I should visit a therapist, perhaps you are right.

As you must have gathered by now, I am pro-choice.